Coming To Terms With Loving Girls

Chapter 2: Tammy

I looked over, and saw Rose laughing, almost snorting from the jokes I was telling her. I loved hearing her laughter, it sounded just like music. I like Rose, I know I do. I already knew I was pansexual. After the car accident from a couple years ago, I started not caring about what people looked like, their religion, differences, gender; more than I already have.

But I still constantly had a nagging voice in my head, telling me things like, 'you're going to die alone, you look horrible,' or 'everyone is being a fake friend to you. Who wants to be your friend anyways?' But, as long as a person is good company, they're a good friend. I had to admit, I really liked Rose. She was so kind, never to judge anyone harshly, she never judged anyone on what they look like. She was also really intelligent and academically interested, but she could still be a rebel. She was also so breathtaking, anytime I looked at her, I felt butterflies in my stomach, and when I was thinking of her as well. But, she would still never ever like me, because to be honest, who would? I was scarred and lanky, and all around someone no one would eve want to be with.

I thought of what happened in the bathroom earlier before class. She didn't deserve any hate she would be getting, and I needed to convince Zoe that it's okay to be LGBTQ, and she needed to open up her mind, instead of her mouth and judge people for something out of their control.

"Earth to Tammy," Rose said, waving her hand back and fourth to me. "Sorry, I was just thinking about someone- I mean something!" I quickly responded, her face turning red. "Oh, okay," Rose replied with a small smile. "You okay?" I asked. "You look upset." "Oh, uh, I just remembered my crush probably doesn't like me back..." Rose replied. "Sure they do!" I said, offering a slight smile. "You're amazing! You're really smart, and you're kind, and you're really caring!" I finished, counting the reasons she was wonderful on my fingers. Also, you're like really smokin' hot and stuff, I thought, however I didn't say that aloud. Was that a trick of the lighting, or did Rose turn a bit red?

"Oh I don't know," Rose said. "They probably don't like me at all." "Well, I think you're really cool," I said, feeling my face flush slightly. Rose looked really surprised. "Oh, I- uh- thanks," she stuttered. "Sorry was that too forward of me? I'm really sorry," I said, thinking I overstepped. "Oh no, not at all. I was just kinda surprised, that's all," Rose replied. Okay, I think she might actually be blushing now. I thought, butterflies rushing to my stomach.

The bell rang, and Rose and I got our stuff for the last class of the day. We walked quickly, and we were the first ones in the formerly empty classroom. "So, how are you?" Rose asked me. "I'm pretty good," I replied. "How are you?" "Oh I'm good, my day got even better though, because you're here." Rose replied. I felt my face heat up. "Oh, really?" I asked, dumbfounded. "Yeah, you make my day a lot better," she said, a slight grin on her face. "Oh, well, you make my day ten times better than how it was originally," I replied, playing along. My hand was going to grab hers, but- the bell rang, and lots of kids booked it in to escape being caught and given a tardy. Aw man. I was so close to holding her hand, I thought sadly.

Our last class of the day was art. Art is my favorite subject, because I can get my thoughts and feelings out so much easier than simply talking about them. Rose, me and the rest of our group sat at a table together, although Zoe was looking stone faced and aloof.

"So kids," Mr Wendalyn said. "Today is free art time. Everyone can draw what they want, no inappropriate or offensive stuff, obviously. Now, go and do some art!" I got up to go grab my supplies: paint, watercolor paper, a cup for water, a paintbrush and a paper towel. I started painting; a vibrant piece with different colors. I only focused intently on my art, everything else leaving my mind. I added different aspects to it, until time was up and the bell rang. "Don't forgot to put your paintings on the drying rack, and have a good day everyone!" Mr. Wendalyn exclaimed. Everyone went out of the classroom to the lockers.

I walked with Rose, Amy, Emma, Josie and Zoe, however she was on the opposite side of us. Josie and Zoe were talking while Rose, Amy, Emma and I were talking. I glanced at Rose ever so often, taking in her beauty, something I myself could admire, but never quite obtain.

On the bus, I sat with Rose while Amy and Emma sat on the seat next to us, and behind us sat Josie and Zoe. While the bus started up, I took out my doodling journal and a pencil. Rose was listening to music with her headphones on. I tapped Rose on the shoulder slightly. "Hey, can I hear it too?" I asked. "Sure," she replied eagerly and took her left headphone off her ear to put in my right ear. She quickly changed the music to my all time favorite band, Panic! At the Disco. (A/N that's legit my favorite band, hence my username.)

I liked bands like Panic! At the Disco, Fallout Boy, and girl in red (A/N the iconic gay music of course). Rose liked the older bands, like Queen, ABBA and The Beatles. But I still did like those bands, but I found newer bands to be more interesting. I doodled for the rest of the bus ride, the doodles being a living room; not a particular one, just a modern living room in general. Rose silently bobbed her head to the music; her favorite song from Panic! At the Disco was 'Nicotine', and playing currently was 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies'. "Hey, wanna bear a good Panic! Song?" I asked. "Okay, sure," she replied with a slight shrug. I put in one of my favorites, 'Girls/Girls/Boys'. I saw Rose look at the lyrics on the screen, and her face flushed slightly. "This is really, really good!" She replied, smiling at me. "I knew it'd tickle your fancy," I replied, smiling just as brightly back. I put my drawings away as Rose put her phone and headphones back in her backpack.

"See you on the group chat," Rose said. "See you too," I replied, getting off at my stop while Rose stood up and got into the aisle so I could pass through. I walked back to my house smiling, and nothing could shake my mood, not even my annoying siblings.

A/N: Next chapter will go more into detail about Rose's family. Goodbye!