Far From Perfect

Chapter 35

I roll onto my stomach, grab a pillow and scream into it, letting all my frustration pour into this one poor innocent pillow. When I feel somewhat relieved, I throw the pillow at the wall and wish so bad, I could toss all my problems just like that. But sadly, life doesn't work that way.

I sit up and think of Nate. I mean how can I not. Gracie put him at the forefront of my mind and now I can't stop thinking about him. This is all her fault. Why did she have to go and make me feel guilty? It's not my fault she's worried about Nate.

If she's so worried, she can come back to the hotel and check on him herself. He's an adult after all and he can take care of himself just fine, I think with a huff.

I pace the room in circles and watch the minutes tick by very slowly on the old alarm clock sitting on the nightstand. When five minutes have passed, I feel my resolve crumble and groan as I walk over to my suitcase and throw on an outfit quickly.

I'm gonna go check on Nate and once I see that he's okay, my conscience will be clear. I won't have anything to feel bad about. Right?

Right.

At least that's what I'm telling myself to justify this craziness. He was supposed to come find me, but here I am going to him yet again. I'm sort of getting tired of this, but I'll do it for Gracie one last time and once I see he's okay, I'll just walk away and stop worrying about him once and for all.

Lies.

I sigh out loud, hating myself for being so gullible. Gracie knew what she was doing when she texted me. She knew I would feel bad and would have no choice but to check up on Nate. Ugh. Damn you, Gracie. She did this on purpose. She clearly wants Nate and I to make up and this is her way of trying to help make it happen.

I grab my room key, wallet, and my phone before leaving my room and head in the direction of Nate's room. When I arrive at his door, I raise my fist to knock but hesitate.

What am I supposed to say to him after how we ended things last night? He slapped my hand away and I walked out on him and told him I didn't believe we could save what we had and I can't exactly take it back. It's too late to apologize. And I'm not sure I want to after what happened last night.

Fuck my life. This is a lot harder than I expected it to be.

I can't just forget that he slapped my hand away. Can I? It's not like Nate to do something like that and I could see in his eyes that he truly regretted it once it registered what he did.

I bite my lip and sigh in frustration, closing my eyes. I remember the moment he hugged me from behind and begged me to stay with him. I felt like I finally had my Nate back but I'm scared of what I'm going to find on the other side of this door today. He may no longer feel the way he did last night and he may be angry all over again and I don't know if I can stomach that again. I'm so tired of all our fights and the back and forth. Why can't it all just end?

I scrub my hands over my face in frustration and brush my fingers over my curls before taking a deep breath and exhaling.

I'm going to be fine, I tell myself but I have a hard time believing it. I just want us to be okay again. But he needs to want that too and I'm scared he doesn't.

Fuck!

Why did Gracie have to ask me of all people to check up on him? This is going to be awkward. I swallow past my nerves and finally knock on the door.

One beat.

Two beats.

Three beats.