Become The Eternal Cherry Blossom

Chapter Four.

"Maeda... You cannot follow us."

Why? Why would she say something like that? Maryanne was always blunt with her words but never that harsh. Why? Why would she say that?

"You cannot follow us."

Follow them where? Where are they? Where am I? Why do I feel lost? Why do I feel so confused? What was happening? Why was this happening?

"Maeda."

Voices.

I remember voices. A sea of drowning voices, each different from the other but each blending with the other. I couldn't make out what they were saying. I remember sounds, a lot of sounds. There's too much... They're too loud... It hurts...

"Maeda."

Everything was spinning and spiraling out control. My head... My head was pounding like someone driving a nail through my skull. What? Why? What was happening to me? Why was this happening to me?

"Maeda. You cannot... Follow us."

Trapped.

I feel trapped. I'm back again. Back to that familiar spot. My eyes feel heavy, everything feels numb. I don't remember myself breathing. Everywhere was quiet, not a sound to be heard. Why am I here again? Why do I keep coming back? Why do I still have so many questions?

Nothing.

I felt nothing, I saw nothing. I haven't heard anything for a while. It was just me, trapped here, in a white space. Why? I don't have the answer. I don't have the answer to anything. I want answers but the same questions keep multiplying. The more I try to find answers, the more questions I receive.

"You cannot follow us."

What do those words mean? Maryanne was not one to be cryptic. Why can't I follow her ... Follow them? Where did they go? Did they go to a place I cannot follow? I miss them. I want to be with them. I don't want to be here, all alone.

There is no beat... .no melody... Not a sound, not even the wind but I hear something. Which is strange. There is nothing to give such a sound. Why?

Wet.

I feel wet. I feel something wet. I feel something wet on my head. It feels like water. Water droplets perhaps? My head feels funny. I feel light and unstable like I'm rocking. Like the world is ready to collapse on me. My head... I thought I couldn't feel... What?

What is this?

Touching my forehead, I watched the rust coloured liquid dry on my fingers. That... Can't be what I think it is. There's no way. It's not possible.

Am I bleeding?

Wails, screeches, screams. Calls of "Jennie! Jennie!" Blurry lights, fuzzy sounds. A migraine, a headache. Voices. Different voices, a static sound.

"You cannot follow us."

White rooms, white lights. Everything is spinning and it's spinning out of control. I feel dizzy. I can't si- Why can't I stay one place? Why is it so hard to breathe? What is? What is happening?

"Jennie!"

I hear them. I hear them calling my name. Where are they? Where am I? What is happening? Why is this happening? I feel queasy. I want this to stop. This is torture. Why? Why? Why was all of this happening? Somebody please, tell me why.

Everywhere feels hot, everything feels numb. What was that sensation? What was this feeling? How do I get rid of it? I want it to stop. Why won't it stop? Why can't this stop? What's happening? Why is it happening?

Somebody...

Anybody...

"Maeda."

Maryanne's voice rings over and over, why? Why her voice? Why does it hurt? Where is she? Where are the others? She said I couldn't follow. Why? Why did they leave me behind? Where did they go?

"You cannot follow us."

Darkness.

The descent is slow, but I can see the light. I can the surface. It's beautiful. Everything was quiet again, I liked it. Sinking down into the depths, it felt right. It was peaceful. Maybe... Maybe I should just accept it.

This is me. This is me now. Finally, at peace with the world. Finally finding peace amongst all the chaos of the world. It felt... Words can't describe how I feel. It surpasses all understanding.

The only sound I hear is the bubbles forming from my mouth. I want to hear this sound for as long I possibly can. This is it. This is it, isn't it? This is my break, my final rest. It feels nice. The feeling of succumbing to the darkness, the heavy weight crowding in, pushing all the anxiety out. It was wonderful. I can stay like this, forever.

"Maeda. You cannot follow us."

Then I felt hands pull me away.