Trendsetter (book 2) - H.S

Chapter 34: When It Rains.

A/N: PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS SOMG AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER AND THINK IF IT THROUGH HARRY'S EYES OKAY!!?!?!?! Also this picture is my mood the entire way I felt writing this chapter... IM SO SORRY!!!! Please be as understanding as Harry is!

HARRY'S POV:

    She called a few days ago... She told me she was at her terminal, at the airport, going to see her dad. She was shaken up, she was obviously scared, and it hurt to hear her like that. It hurt knowing that she wasn't okay, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I know she wanted to do this alone. She wanted to say goodbye to him alone, and I respect that. I know that she called me at the airport because her first thought was getting to him, it was seeing her dad, but she still managed to think of me in that. I've stayed at her place, staying with Bo, waiting for any word from her the past few days. The most heartbreaking part is not being able to comfort her in this. It's taking a step back to let her be hurt, and sad. It's waiting for her to call me, waiting for her to reach out to me. All I've been getting are short texts, but she's still talking to me, that's a good thing... The last text I got was a few days ago. She told me she was too late, and I wanted to call her then but I knew it wasn't smart... She will call me when she needs to.
    Anthony has continued to stop by, and I'm glad he's part of El's team now, it means he can take over for her in this time, he can work for her. He can come to the meeting tomorrow morning. If it was my choice, if this wasn't already a planned thing I would just cancel it, but I can't.... I just want her back home, or back with me in some way. I won't be able to feel the extent, to see where her pain is until she's with me again, and I'm scared. I'm scared for her, and for us despite how selfish that is. I know the funeral should be today, some time tonight. I miss my home though, I miss the comfort I feel there so I'll be going back there tonight, Anthony will check on Bo for me, and I'll wait for her there... my other home. I'll wait for a call of some kind or a text.... My biggest fear is having to force this out of her, having to push the feelings to the surface because she can't shut down... Not only will that take a toll on her, but everyone surrounding her. Everyone she loves. But you never know with El... you can never guess what she'll do next and that's part of the reason I love her so much...

EL'S POV:

    I was too late. I got to Georgia in record time, I got a rental car, and I sped to the house, doing my best to get there, but by the time I arrived, he had been pronounced dead. I missed him by fifteen minutes according to my mom. I didn't cry... I felt numb. Sitting in the house, sitting there without his laughter, or his harsh jokes, it felt pointless. The next day my mom and I started arranging things. Going to funeral homes, calling people, making it known that Garrison Montgomery had passed away, that the cancer was too strong, and that he was in a better place, and it's all bullshit. He should be here. He should be right fucking here. I never in my life cared about things like this. The things that a father should be here for. Because I never had anyone else. He should be walking me down the aisle on my wedding day. I never thought I'd have one but now I can see it, but I'm forced to see it without him. My kids should be able to love their grandad, but they'll never even know him.... It's a fucking joke.
    So that brings me to today. It brings me to the day of his funeral. I'm in the black dress that I didn't want to pack. I'm standing with my mom, and I'm waiting for my turn to go speak.... I think the part that hurts the worst... Last time I was here in this building... Last time I was at a funeral it was for Haley... little did I know I'd be doing the same thing within the next ten years for my father.
    "And now Garrisons youngest daughter Eileen would like to say a few words." Pastor Billy speaks over the group of us, and there's so many people... There's people craning their necks from the door, trying their hardest to see in... I get up, and walk to the front of the room, taking the microphone from his hands, and finally looking up, shocked how everyone looks from up here.
    "Wow... there's so many people." I mumble, the crowd letting out short laughter. I hold the paper between my fingertips, and look at it, but crumple it up, keeping it in my hand. "I wrote something out... but my dad... He wasn't someone who planned things, he was the kind of guy who would just wing it, but always come out on top so I think... I think it's best if I don't plan this out... There's a lot of people here, and that's because... that's because my dad was the best person in this entire town... He really was, and he worked hard, but not without helping others out.. Not without lending a hand wherever he could. I met someone recently, and I thought they showed me what true kindness was, what true passion was... but I was wrong... I was taught true kindness, and passion, and I was taught what love is through my father, and it was brought out by others through my adult years... My dad was a hardass... He told it to you straight, and he never let his opinion go unheard, but that's why we loved him... He taught me a lot of things... He taught me how to bait my own fishing pole, and how to shoot a gun... He taught me how to drive a truck, and how to tie knots and... and he taught me how to be strong. He taught me that no matter what I do in life, as long as I put my heart, and my head into it that I'll be okay in the end.... He taught me how to love others without even knowing he was teaching me to do it... Being sad, being hurt is normal, but one thing I know my dad wouldn't want is for this to change who we are... for it to effect our daily lives. He wouldn't want this to shut us down, and turn our lives upside down... He'd want us to live our lives with passion just like he did... mostly because he can't anymore... So in the true fashion of Garrison Montgomery, I'm going to leave you with his favorite choice words... a way to look at life... Let's get the damn thing done."
    I nod my head, and everyone hollers out, cheering for me, and my words, and I pass the microphone back, joining my mother again, sitting back down with no expression, no feeling, not hurt, no happiness... nothing. This won't affect me, just like my dad would want. We stood there, my mother and I.. We stayed with each other, and we said hello to all the faces in the building, taking their condolences despite the fact that they don't know what this is like. Now I'm home... My mom is torn to shreds right now, but I don't know how to help her... She fell asleep on the couch, the spot where my dad sat the past few months, and I'm upstairs right now. I'm in one of his old sweatshirts, laying in his bed where he used to lay... It still smells like his cologne. I stare at the wall, I look ahead, feeling like all I'm doing in looking, not stepping forward... I'm going to be stuck here, and no one will be able to pull me forward or back... No one but me.
    The plane shakes and I wake up, looking at LA from over head, seeing the sun as it starts to rise, and I push my hair from my face. Anthony called me, he wanted to check on me the day before my dad's funeral. He told me about the meeting today when I forced him to talk about something less upsetting to me. He told me that he would be there in my place, and that everything would be okay. He said he's seen my notes a million times, and that he'll take his just as good, and just as detailed, but he won't have to. I wanted to be there. I needed to leave that house, as much as I hated leaving my mom she told me to. She told me to go home, and to be with my people, to do something progressive with this feeling of greif, but I don't have that feeling because my dad wouldn't want me to, that's the last thing he would want me to feel right now. The plane touches ground, and I get out in record time, going to baggage claim, and straight to my apartment, missing Bo, wondering if Harry will be there.
    "El! Oh my god, El I missed you... How are you?" Anthony asks, sitting on my couch.
    "I'm alright... I'm great actually, but we have a meeting to get to. How's Bo?" I ask, going straight to the dog, picking him up.
    "He's been an angel all week. Does Harry know you're home?" He asks, and I shake my head.
    "No one does. I just needed to get here so I didn't say anything." I tell him, and put Bo in his kennel. Anthony starts walking to the door, and I catch up to him. "Anthony..." He looks over his shoulder at me. "Thank you... for not treating me any differently." I mumble, walking in front of him, and going straight to my car. We get in, and I drive to the meeting, parking in the lot, and walking in next to Anthony. I have hardly changed my expression since arriving back here. I haven't felt anything since I got back here. We walk into the room, and there's chatter as everyone looks over to us. Anthony walks straight forward but I stop as everyone stares at me, silence washing over the room as they look at me.
    "Give me a second..." Harry mumbles to everyone, and they all take one more glance, moving back to each other, and talking again. Harry walks forward, saying hi to Anthony, and he comes to me, leading me away towards the door. I cross my arms over my chest, and he keeps his hand on my arm, holding me there.
    "Why is everyone looking at me like I have three heads?" I ask, looking over his shoulder to the group of people at the table, all of them stealing glances.
    "Because... Because no one including myself expected to see you here today... El, what are you doing here? Why aren't you back in Georgia?" He asks, and I somehow knew this was coming.
    "I have work to do here, work to do for you. That's what I'm doing here. I couldn't be there anymore, so I did what I do best, and I left so I could be with people who make me feel normal, which is the opposite of what you're doing right now by the way." I divert my eyes, and he flicks my chin up so I look at him.
    "Darling you shouldn't be here right now... You should be in Georgia... Are you sure you don't want to go home? Go take care of yourself, and I can be there later on." He looks down at me, and I roll my eyes.
    "This is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm here because I need to be here for myself. Stop babying me, stop telling me where I need to be or should be Harry... It's not your choice, I'm sorry it's just not. Thank you for the concern but I'm fine." I tell him, and he stops me from walking away.
    "You're not fine... El, I know what you're going through and-" He starts, and I stop him right away.
    "You don't get to tell me what I am. Yes you've been through this but I am not you. I don't handle things the same as you, I'm not you Harry. Let me be here, let me handle myself the only way I know how to... Stop hovering." I tell him, and he sighs.
    "Alright... Fine..." He mumbles, and turns away with me, both of us going towards the table. I sit down across from Harry in between Jeffrey, and Anthony.
    "You alright?" Jeffrey leans over and asks, and I nod.
    "Fine, thank you." I give a soft smile, and we continue on with conversation. This whole meeting is about the MET gala, how the night will go, and who will be going with, and the songs he's going to be singing if any at the event. I will be on the red carpet alongside him as of right now, but there haven't been many details spoken on whether I'll be his plus one or I'll be there as his stylist so I'm guessing we'll talk about that later on. We also got to work on the album cover discussion. We talked about how color schemes, and the mystery of it all. Harry wants it bright, and open as well. I pulled out my sketch books, showing the white pants, showing the sketches with the high waist aspect along with the button downs, and the suspenders, all of us here deciding then that it would be time to complete his new look, claiming the outfit as his new go to. It looks good so I'm not opposed to making him pants, and shirts like that in every color if I have to. The meeting closes, and I wait for Harry at the door.
    "Hey, I'm going to stay back and talk to Jeffrey... I'll be to your place after okay?" He asks me, and I nod. "I love you so much El... Do you need anything before I come? I mean it anything." He starts, and I sigh.
    "No... Just come whenever you can." I mumble, and he kisses me on the cheek, and I walk out, collecting Anthony, and we drive back to my house together. He doesn't come inside with me, going straight to his car, and leaving me so I can go back upstairs. I go upstairs, and come right back down with Bo on his leash, letting him do his business before I walk back upstairs with him. I sit myself back on my couch, and look ahead, almost every second of my free time is spent looking, thinking... I'm never the person to sit and think, but lately I can't help it. What is my life going to turn to? He's going to start treating me like I need to be cradled, like I need to be protected from everything bad in the world when in reality I don't need any of that. I need to be treated normally. The door opens, and Harry throws his things down, looking irritated, and I furrow my brows.
    "Hey love." He smiles for the first time since coming in, his frustrated face melting away.
    "What's going on?" I ask, and he shakes his head.
    "It's nothing... I want to talk to you about... about you. El what made you just get up and leave? How is your mom, and how was everything, and-" He starts, and I stop him right away.
    "No Harry... What is going on? Why did you look so pissed when you walked in?" I ask him, and he sits down on the couch. "I'm serious. Don't pretend like you didn't just throw your shit down like you were mad. What happened after I left?" I ask, and he wipes his hands on his knees, looking forward.
    "I got in a fight with Jeffrey, and it pissed me off El..." He tells me, and I shift.
    "Okay... Fought about what?" I ask, pushing for more.
    "I told him we had to push the album back..." He tells me, and I jump up.
    "What! Harry, why?" I ask, and he sighs, pulling me back down to the couch.
    "Because El.... Because as much as you hate it I would rather be here for you than be there for the music, and the publicity. El, you're going through hell, and I can figure it out okay? I can drop the singles later on, I can drop the album later, and I can do SNL at any point. I can it all in 2020..." He tells me, and I pull away from him, trying to keep my composure, but I can't. I turn back around quickly.
    "What the hell is wrong with you? Harry... just.. Just no! You can't, no I won't let you do this. Your fans come first, your job comes first, your music is always and should always be first. You busted your ass for this album, and whatever is happening in my life is going to continue to happen if you stop this album or you keep it going, it doesn't matter. This was the... Dammit Harry, this was the one thing that I asked you not to do!" I blow up, and he stands up.
    "I see what you're doing. Your letting it out on me, and I'm not going to tell you to stop, I'm not going to be mad at you... Get mad at me then. I can take it." He opens his arms, and I shake my head, my anger only rising.
    "No! That's the thing, that's not what I'm doing. You're not listening to me... I am fine Harry. I'm dealing with this in my own way, and you're forcing this shit on me. I do not need a babysitter, I don't need you to push your life away, and for you to put every ounce of your worry on me when you have yourself to worry about... I don't need you to sit here and look at me with your sad eyes, and your sympathetic smile, and treat me like I'm broken because I'm not! I'm not fucking broken!" I yell back, and he laughs.
    "You're doing it again! You're shutting your feelings away as if they aren't there at all! This is my choice, if I want to protect you, or push the album and the interviews, and the events back then I will! You won't face the fact that you need people El, you need people to-"
    "I need a break!" I scream, his words stopping as mine come out.
    "W-what did you just say to me?" He asks me, and I stand still.
    "I need a break." I repeat the words, and he looks to me in a way that scares the hell out of me. I have no idea what he's thinking about.
    "A break from what El? You don't even have to ask if you want to take a break from working, or designing or-" He starts.
    "No Harry, I need a break from you, from this. I need you to focus on yourself. I need you to focus on your music, and do your life the way that you did it before I was here. This... this relationship, this whole situation I'm dealing with-" I start.
    "El it's not a situation, your father is dead. He died, and that's not some situation, it's real life... El, what are you talking about?" He asks, and I want to scream.
    "Harry we've been treating this relationship as if we're each others other half, and that's ridiculous! I can't just sit here, and be fifty percent I need to be one hundred percent at all times to be the person I want to be, and you're giving up an entire part of yourself for me so I know damn well you need it to. This isn't about me, this is about-" I start, and he's standing now, he's angry now.
    "Do not say us... Don't you dare pretend like you're doing this for me and you because you're not, you're doing this for yourself because you don't want to deal with what you're actually feeling El!" He screams at me, and I'm shocked by his anger.
    "That is not true. I've been selfish. I will admit how selfish I've been with you, but for once I am not being selfish! Every single thing that I do is for you Harry, literally every aspect of my life has to do with you, and what you're doing, and how you'll look and I can't live like this! It's like... it's like we're all on a track, every one of us in our lives is running on this track right, and I'm running as fast as I can but you... you have all the power to run as far as you want but you're waiting by my side, you're failing yourself to be by my side, and I hate it, I hate seeing you like this! Don't call my selfish when I'm right here!" I yell back, and throw my hands down.
    "This is... this is foolish El, this is ridiculous! El I love you, I promised to be here, I promised your dad himself that I'd be here, and that's exactly what I'm doing right now!" He pushes back.
    "What you're doing is suffocating me! You can yell at me all you want but this needs to happen for us to be who we want to be. I need to grow the hell up, and I need to do it without you. Have you not realized that siince I've met you the only thing that I've done is worry about how I can be good enough to be by your side, and I want to know what it feels like to want and to fight to be good enough for myself, to meet my expectations, not yours." I fight back, and he turns around, breaking my heart right there as I see his face.
    "Why...W-why are you doing this? Why the hell do you always do this!" He barks at me, and a few tears fall to his cheeks. "El you're sitting here, looking at me and you're breaking my heart." He breaks, and I move forward, but he backs away. "Don't..." He mumbles softly, and takes a second. "I love you darling, I love you so much, and if you need space I'll let you be, but don't do this, don't sit here, and pretend like you don't need people... I tried it and it never worked, El I need you..." He admits, and I get to him finally. Wiping his tears away, but forming my own.
    "You can't need me... That's the problem with us is the need... Harry, I- I can't do-" I start, and he pushes himself away.
    "Fine... You want a break from me? Fine El, fine you can have it, you can have all the time in the world that you need, but don't expe-" He stops, and takes a deep breath, his tears falling. He brings his hand to his forehead, and he breaths out heavily. "Don't expect me to- to call you first. Don't expect me to beg, and plead and cry like I always do because I can't. I can't anymore, I can't be the person to sit here and take all of this. I'll always be there for you, whenever you need me, but I can't be the first one to reach out to you..." He's a mess now, and I've never seen him this way.
    "I understand... " I mumble, and he shakes his head. "I love you... I need you to know how much I love you... This is for us... We need to grow Harry, I need this." I let my tears fall, and he balls his fist, looking at me.
    "You don't... you don't get to cry when you're the one leaving. You're leaving El! You tell me you love me but you show me the opposite... Darling you're...you're-" He starts rambling, and I take his hand in mine.
    "You're making this worse... Please try to understand.. Please be patient with me, and please know that this isn't the end, this is... this is space, this is a way for you to be who you need to be while I am who i need to be." I mumble, and he looks at me, looking me straight in the eyes.
    "I need to be with you..." He whispers, almost as if he's ashamed to say it, and I hold his face in my hands.
    "This isn't.. You don't want this but you need it, and you pushing this album away, and pushing all of this to the side is the last thing I wanted... Harry I love you with everything I am, but I need to do that from far away..." I tell him, and he lowers his head, his tears drying as he pulls his hand away from me.
    "I... I understand...Dammit El, I understand, and I know this is the only way for you but why does it hurt so damn bad?" He asks, and I watch him take in a shaky breath.
    "Because it feels like goodbye." I tell him, and he lets out a soft laugh.
    "It somehow always seems like goodbye with you Eleanor..." He looks up to me, and I see the pain through his soft smile.
    "Because usually... Usually I'm running away but this time I'm not... I'm facing this head on... This time it really is a see you later, it's a moment to breath... This isn't goodbye because I'll never be able to say goodbye to you." I tell him, and he leans forward, his lips pressing to mine. His cheeks are wet with tears, his lips are soft, his kiss full of passion. I pull back, and he presses his forehead to mine.
    "This doesn't... this doesn't mean I'm not hurt El, this doesn't mean that you're not hurting me with this, it means... it means I love you enough to deal with the pain so you can be who you want to be, even if it's hurting who I am...." He mumbles, and he stands... He stands up, and takes a second. "If I don't go now I'll never end up leaving.. I'll drag this on longer than it needs to go.. So I'm going to... I'm going to go for a while." He tells me, and I look at him from the couch.
    "Why does it sound like you mean go somewhere besides your house..." I ask, and he sighs.
    "Because that's probably what's about to happen... I love you El, I'll... I'll see you later." He mumbles, and I let out a shaky breath.
    "I love you... I love you so much..." I mumble, and he's gone... He's gone and I know it. I know this is what I needed to do for myself if I ever want this to end successfully, but I know, I know that if I ever want him back. If I ever want to see him again, or speak to him I'm going to have to make it my choice. I'm going to have to reach out to him.

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Song: When It Rains by Paramore ...
PLEAEE BE PATIENT WITH ME!!! YOULL get watt you want but please be nice to me PLEASE!!!!! I love you guys!!!

Comment what you thing will happen in the next chapter!!!