Pictures of You

Chapter Thirty

I never meant to hurt you. I certainly never meant it to go this far. But when I saw you, I just had to know; was the resemblance merely a physical one, or were you like him in more ways? Did you have his same sense of humour, his same dirty laugh? Did you cry at TV commercials the same way he did? I know it may seem crazy, especially as I'm not a religious man, but could he have been sent back to me in the form of this boy?

It was never a sexual thing. I never started this in the hope you may be into the older guy and that we'd pick up where I left off with Miles. I just had to know you, even if that was just from afar. And that's the way I had always intended it to be. Long distance. Never actually meeting in person. We'd exchange a few messages; I'd make sure you were okay, then I'd leave you to get on with the rest of your life. But then we started talking and you had that same caring way about you that put other people's feelings above your own. I'm not saying you could be connected to him in any cosmic way. But you were special. I could tell that straight away.

I remember the day I first saw you. I've never really been into the whole social media thing. Maybe it's a generation thing, but if I want to know what someone is doing, then I'll pick up the phone and call them. People seem to post every aspect of their lives on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram; things that were of no interest to me. It was my niece who signed me up.

You'll be able to see what Libby and I are doing, she said. Libby was her little girl, who she'd had a couple of months earlier.

I only ever set up the account for that one reason. But then I started following others too. My sister joined up for the same reason and a couple of people I knew from the markets did too. Before I knew it I was following ten, then twenty people. A few of my favourite singers and actors were on it, so I started following them too. I didn't post any pictures myself, but I was enjoying looking into the lives of others.

It was after I went to see a play that things changed. There was an actress in it who I thought did an exceptional performance. I figured if I followed her, then I would be able to keep up with what she was up to. She wasn't a particularly famous actor, but I wanted to go and see her in something else in the future.

She posted a picture of herself from her last performance in the show's run. I hadn't noticed before, but I was able to see the comments that other fans had posted. So I clicked on the comments and started scrolling down them, reading what others had put before I made one myself.

I clicked reply on a few of the more positive comments, expressing that I agreed with their point of view. It turned into a bit of a discussion with a couple. But then I saw this comment from someone saying that had seen her when she toured with a different play last year, and that they hoped they toured this one too. I clicked on the comment to ask what this person had seen her in previously. But instead of clicking on the comment, I instead clicked to open the profile. That person was you.

I wasn't even sure what I'd done at first, so it came as even more of a shock. I was presented with a page full of photos of you. But I didn't know it was you. I knew it was impossible, but the profile seemed to be of Miles; my only love. Even when I zoomed into the pictures, I still found it difficult to pick you apart.

You've seen the picture I have of him. I could see that even you thought it was a picture of you.

I studied all your pictures. Someone was setting me up. They had to be. But there more I looked at them, the clearer it became. There was nothing sinister behind the profile. It was just the profile of a young man who happened to look a lot like my Miles. I didn't follow your profile.

I didn't send you a message. I thought you wouldn't understand if you recieved a message from this crazy old man telling you that you looked like the love of my life. The ironic part is, now that I know you, I know you wouldn't have judged me. You are kind and care about other people. But I didn't know that then.
I had to find a way to talk to you.