Pieces of Her

An Old Letter To Him

Realization.

It's surprising how you could make me feel like the only person in the world, who was fortunate enough to hold your attention, your thoughts and your arms.

It's even more surprising how you could make me feel so inadequate. How it changed from having you to never have had you.

How I don't seem like anything to you. How you make me dig up old insecurities. How you make me want to hate every piece of my being. How for a second you made me want to jump out of my skin. Into someone else's.

But I think the worst shock, came from not being able to understand how I was willing to give you all of me. To give you pieces of myself that I swore no-one would see. It kills me to think that for months I built you up as my knight in shining armour. How I built you up as everything I could ever want and need.

You are none of those things.

You chose a girl who's wall was built up so high, to break down and infiltrate, only to open up the gates to self doubt, insecurities, and vulnerabilities that were buried under the gravel. You chose that girl to destroy. You chose her, to leave in ruins. Watching as she struggles to rebuild the walls she had built for years before.

A part of me wil always hate you for that.

The part of me that isn't busy rediscovering myself. The part of me that knew you only meant hurt. The part of me that always knew I deserved better. The part of me that knew that you weren't my knight in shining armour.
The part of me that knew that you were in reality a normal human being with his own faults.

A human being who I tried to force in my life, a human being who I tried to give more importance to. Importance that never belonged to you. Maybe I was deceived by my own misleading notions, maybe I was mislead by vulnerability and loneliness. Maybe I just prayed long enough for the purity of your soul. Maybe it worked. But not for me.

Maybe we were just stepping-stones to our real heroes. It's all written in Maybes because you were never a sure thing. And maybe that's okay

So this is a message to you.

You no longer have access to me. You are what you were always meant to be to me; nothing and no one. You are that stranger I will remember, long enough to forget. You are that stranger who stole pieces of me, I can never get back. You are that stranger I chose to forgive.

I will thank you for one thing though, for teaching me a lesson.

You are not my knight in shining armour.
Neither are you the villain.
Because if I make you anything more than a temporary extra, I'll be overestimating your importance and value in my life. You are someone and someone great. To somebody one day. That somebody is not me. And that is more than okay.

Because I have let you go. In every sense.

-Zee