ZAZZ: Are you a pathetic loser who has no chance of beating your worst nightmare, are you stuck somewhere you just can't be with the odds against you, or are you annoyed with someone who won't get out your hair that you've been itching for a fight against? Trust me- everybody just can't stand the thought of it, and that's why I'm here to help you!
May I present to you the wonders of ZAZZ BOX DELIVERY! The safest, cheapest, most reliable way of sending you home to date! All you got to do is hook one of my sturdy boxes onto your method of transportation, and when you finally snap, put yourself or your enemy in the box and press the button on the side! You'll be there before you even know it!
My state-of-the-art delivery boxes, approved by health experts everywhere, are concluded to be so dang comfortable, you can fall asleep in it! Try not to tinkle, though.
HEALTH EXPERT: (examines box) ...You just tossed a bunch of pillows and blankets in it. How is this functional life support?
ZAZZ: They're good to use in any situation! Cities, parks, beaches- even in the middle of scenic nowhere! With the satellite we built with money we definitely didn't steal, signals from the button can easily tell where your home is!
Scared of the dark? Claustrophobic! No need to fear! In your box, you'll find a special nightlight that also plays music, 'cause music relieves the mind of stress.
MASTER ZIK: Thank goodness I had a Zazz box with me when SOMEBODY tried to break into my home and steal some of my flowers! I had it placed right here next to me whilst I was watering them.
ORBOT: My boss didn't remember that today was my day off, so I electrocuted him, and now, he can wake up at home remembering who I really am and forgetting what he was mad about.
RANDOM TEEN GIRL: I did NOT want to go to my cousin's birthday party. He is SO ANNOYING, and my mom is dumb enough to think I LIKE his company. But thanks to my Zazz box, I was able to get out of there when nobody was looking!
ZAZZ: My boxes can be found at a supermarket near you, and they come in three sizes at respective prices: junior for $3, princess for $6, and jumbo for $9! But wait- there's more! If you call the number you see here to order one, you'll get it for 10% off, and some exclusive Zazz stamps for free! But hurry! That's only for a limited time! Join with the millions of satisfied customers who can't stop sending these babies home today!
Zazz box delivery! You're going home in one!
V/O: AVAILABLE NOW WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. MUST FUEL BEFORE USE. ZAZZ BOX DELIVERY IS NOT LEGAL IN EVERY TERRITORY IN THE LOST HEX OUTSIDE OF LAVA MOUNTAIN AND WINDY HILL. TELL YOUR DOCTOR IF YOU ARE HAVING ANY PROBLEMS WITH BREATHING, URINATING, DEFECATING AND/OR MOBILITY. EXPECTANT MOTHERS SHOULD NOT USE. IT IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED YOU USE ZAZZ BOX DELIVERY IF YOU ARE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG. FOR MORE INFORMATION, VISIT WWW.ITSBEATDOWNTIME.COM.
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Pepper's Random Stuff The Third
RandomAnd here's the third volume of the Random Stuff series! More of the material along the lines of the previous book, because that's what I do. Expect more stupid ideas, fanart, parodies and the addition of heroic black cats...
