Pepper's Random Stuff The Third

Garnet the Great

Now the randomness REALLY begins.

Next, we present to you a special act from the permafusion we all know and love, and she even is love. Everybody blow kisses and shower affection upon the Crystal Gems' very own de-facto leader, GARNET!

Garnet: Why do I have to do this? I already have magical powers.

Hedgehog: It's for the viewers, Garnet.

Is everything okay back there? 

Hedgehog: Yeah. It's just the Gems' magical abilities might make this number... what's the word... uninteresting.

That is true, but we already paid for the props and stuff. My mom said that they were super expensive and that if Garnet doesn't perform no matter what she has, I'm punished for a month.

Garnet: The show would probably end by then, so alright.

As I was saying, folks, here's Garnet!

Garnet: Hello there, audience of this... lovely writer. I am Garnet the Great, a master of illusionary "magic." Special thanks to my assistant, Amethyst.

Amethyst: Yo.

Garnet: Are you feeling cold? 

Amethyst: Nah. It's okay in here.

Garnet: Check your pocket.

Amethyst: Huh?... The ol' scarf trick, eh, Garnet? Everybody's seen this before.

Garnet: Keep pulling.

Lapis: Hey, where'd the Heaven Beetle go?... Oh. 

Garnet: I'm sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused on the Heaven Beetle's behalf. I hope they'll accept this gift.

Peridot: Ah! What am I doing here with... these bunnies?! I wasn't supposed to go on now! Magic mirror clod! 

Amethyst: How is this magic? You're just making random people appear out of nowhere. THIS is magic.

Amethyst, what are you doing?! This isn't the type of magic that Gems do! This is the "magic" you see at birthday parties!

Amethyst: (in my voice) Which is lame.

Garnet: Well, there goes my assistant.

Steven: GARNET! Your magic bird pooped on everyone back here!

Peridot: Oh no... ENGAGE BIRD POOP CLEANUP PROTOCOL!

Garnet: Okay... for my next trick, I will saw Pearl in half.

Pearl: I didn't agree to do this! Can you let me out of this box?!

Garnet: Not until I saw you in half. Don't worry; you won't feel a thing.

Pearl: Yeah, but I'll poof!

Garnet: No you won't! It's only an illusion. 

Some Guy in the Crowd With Y'all: Man, this 4D is amazing!

Pearl: So help me, Garnet, if you don't let me out of this box, I will free my hand somehow and let MYSELF out!

Garnet: Or perhaps that Mao Mao guy will.

Pearl: Great idea. Where is he?!

Badgerclops: He's in his dressing room polishing his sword! I love this headset! 

Adorabat: You're being sawed!

Pearl: I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A ROSE-STEALING BIZNICK, GREG!

Greg: I hardly remember that. 

Oh, no. The box is breaking... Somebody help Blue Pearl out of the leg half, please! And, although I just revealed her secrets, this has been Garnet the Great!

Garnet: I'm not mad. It's all just an illusion.

Peridot: GET BACK HERE, YOU AVIAN CLOD!