After the day you started cutting yourself again, things just went downhill for you. Demi had to go on tour the following week so you made sure to spend a lot of time with each other. They'd be gone for 6 months. Of course you cried your tears when they left, but it left you a lot of time to think. You tried to stay off your phone but that was a fail considering how much you loved to talk to Demi. You got off of FaceTime with Demi one day and a Twitter notification popped up. It was Demi talking about how much they missed you and how they wished these next 6 months would fly by. You continued to scroll down your twitter timeline looking at all the models. To you, they looked absolutely perfect. You scrolled and scrolled, tears streaming down your face. You threw your phone onto the bed crying your eyes out. You got up and went to the bathroom. You brushed your teeth as your eyes started to wander. You looked at your body and thought of the models you saw. The tears streamed down your face making your eyes red and puffy. You leaned back against the closed door slowly sliding down. You sat there with your knees up to your chest. You sat there for the rest of the day, crying. You woke up on the tile floor the next day feeling weak. You hadn't eaten in a while and it was starting to take its toll on you. You got up slowly and looked in the mirror. You eyes were red and puffy. You quickly ran out of the bathroom realizing you forgot to call Demi at your usual time. You knew messed up when you saw 50 missed calls and 30 text messages. You quickly called Demi and they picked up immediately on the second ring. "Y/n? Y/n, I was worried sick. Why weren't you answering are you ok?"
"Demi I'm fine. I just fell asleep early because I wasn't feeling the best. Don't worry about me. How has tour been?" you ask quickly trying to change the subject.
"It's been great but I'm more worried about you. I was so scared when you didn't answer and I didn't know what to do."
"Demi it's ok. Don't worry. I'm fine and that's all that matters. I'm sorry that I worried you."
"Ok baby I hope you feel better. I gotta get going. I'll call you later and please pick up this time. I love you." You let out a small chuckle. "I love you too. I'll try my best to pick up. Have fun baby bye."
"Bye."
Just like that you started crying again. You worried them so much because of your problems. You felt so worthless and all you wanted was to hold Demi. You wanted to tell them what was going on but at the same time you didn't want to burden them. They already has so much on their plate and you didn't want to add anything to it. You went into the closet grabbing your purse. You grabbed the pack of razor blades and walked to the bathroom. You closed and locked the door as you sat on the floor. You took a blade out of the package and watched it shine in the light. Your hands shook and you slowly let it down towards your stomach. You wanted the cuts to be in the least noticeable place. You watched the blood trickle down your skin. You put the package of blades in the cabinet burying behind some stuff hoping they wouldn't be found by anyone. You got some tissue and wiped the blood off of your skin. You slowly got up and pulled your shirt down. You felt dizzy and decided to go downstairs for the first time in 2 days. You grabbed a cup and got some water. You grabbed a granola bar and walked back upstairs. You slowly took a few sips of your water. You opened the granola bar and your hands suddenly start shaking. You tried taking a bite but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. You set it on your nightstand hoping to be able to eat it later. A couple of hours later, it was almost time for Demi to call. You got up to use the restroom and you caught a glimpse of how bad you actually looked. You had tear stains on your cheeks. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying so much the past couple of weeks. You were slightly pale and smaller since you haven't eaten in days. You decided to freshen up a bit. You splashed some cool water on your face trying to wake yourself up. After a while you were satisfied with how you looked; like you just woke up. You walked back to the bed and as you laid down you got a FaceTime request from Demi. You took a deep breath and answered the call. Demi had a smile on their face and they were so excited to talk to you.
"Hi baby! Feeling any better today?"
You were first confused by the question and then you remembered the lie you told the other day.
"Oh yeah I'm feeling much better. I think I was just a little dehydrated. I miss you so much. It's only been 3 weeks and time is going so slow," you whine and Demi giggled.
"Baby I miss you too. You look a little pale are you alright?"
"Yeah I feel totally fine. Now tell me about tour so far."
They told you about the exciting stories from the 3 weeks they've been gone. You were on the phone with them a little longer and they started yawning.
"Demi I need to go. I have work tomorrow and it's getting kind of late. I'll text you in the morning. I love you."
"Ok princess I love you too. Goodnight sweet dreams."
You got ready for bed and quickly fell asleep.
You woke up the next morning and texted Demi.
You: Hi baby. I'm getting ready for work. I get off at 3:30 today so I'll call you sometime after. Have a good day. I love you ❤️
Demi: Good morning princess. Have a good day at work. I love you too.
You got ready for work and the day dragged on. When you got there you got yelled at by your boss. He yelled at you for not doing a job that you weren't responsible for. He told you that if you slipped up one more time you would get fired. That day you tried your hardest to do your job and your coworkers' jobs. When your shift was over your boss called you into his office. He decided that he should just let you go. He told you that you were doing his company no good. You simply nodded your head and handed him your vest. You walked outside to your car. As soon as you closed the door the tears streamed down your face. You laid your head back on the car seat and you felt numb. Everything was just going wrong. You drove home and went to you and Demi's shared bed. You couldn't think of anything else to do except for go to the restroom. You closed the door behind you and slid down onto the floor. You felt so worthless and felt like you had no reason to live at the moment. You went in the cabinet searching for the blades. You grabbed one and cut your skin. The blood fell down your skin. You cleaned yourself up and got up. You felt dizzy and thought you were about to fall. You walked over to the bed and looked at your phone. Your voice was slightly shaky so you took some deep breaths before calling Demi.
"Hi princess. How was your day."
"Um it was ok I guess."
"Baby what happened."
"Nothing really. Nothing made it bad but it wasn't particularly good," you say sniffling.
"Are you getting sick or are you crying? Baby please tell me what's been eating at you. I'm not going to judge."
You were contemplating telling them everything but they were on tour and you didn't want to worry them.
"Demi I'm fine. Now enough about me. How was your day?"
"It was good but it's much better now that I'm talking to my favorite girl," they say making you smile for the first time today. You two talk for a little while longer before you hear them yawning.
"Demi you sound tired. You should get some sleep. You have a performance tomorrow."
"I know but I just love talking to you. But I guess I'll go to bed. I love you so much. Bye."
"Bye I love you too."
The days went by a little faster making you slightly happier. A month turned into two and two eventually turned to five. Sooner or later, it was a week before Demi came back. Since you've been fired you found yourself a little less stressed, but you got out of bed even less. Your depression took a toll on you. Some days you didn't even use the restroom or brush your teeth. You just laid there staring at the wall. One day you didn't call Demi and they got worried. Since you've been calling her, she's noticed how much smaller you are. You can't remember the last time you ate. She called her mom to go over and check on you. You were currently downstairs getting some water. You felt really dizzy but you just brushed it off as dehydration. You got a bottle of water and started to sip it. You felt dizzier and started to grip onto the counter. The last thing you heard was was keys jingling and the door opening. Then, everything went black.
