To Be Wanted

Dream State

      I remember standing in darkness, feeling like I was falling and my wings wouldn't cooperate. From the darkness appeared a woman who seemed to have been crying. She sits on the ground in front of me, bawling her eyes our, her hands covering her face.
      The woman, even with rather baggy clothes on, seemed to be well into pregnancy. She appeared to be a Sevitan so the crying seemed unusual, Sevitans are typically rather cheerful people, so it was unusual to see them cry unless they had experienced a loss. Unfortunately, that seemed to be the case for this poor woman.
      The woman, despite the darkness and pinkness to her face from crying, appeared to have light white skin, not quite as light as my own, however still pale enough that she would need to be careful about being the suns like I do, dark brown, almost black, hair, green eyes, and even from a sitting position, she was noticeably on the shorter side.
      She seemed to have scars covering her arms and face, many thoughts of what might have caused it flashes through my mind, however, I do not think any of them could have ever matched the truth.
      "Oh, Orilek. I am so sorry." She spoke in a soft, weeping voice. She sounded so broken, it hurt to hear anyone like that. "I can't keep her. And I can't keep imposing on Detrina."
      Wait.... What? Next a man appears, a Veltsen. He goes and sits with the woman, wrapping his arms around her, placing his chin on her shoulder and trying to soothe her.
      This man was almost the opposite of the woman, darker skin, brown eyes and hair, and seemed to be stronger built, however unlike a lot of the Veltsen that I have seen, he appeared to be a very gentle person. While he does seem to help her a little, she still had puffy eyes soaked with tears.
      "Don't blame yourself, Architima." His voice echoes in my head. "It is not your fault that Montesai had me executed. He knows that I had been his loyal spy, however, I am sure he would have had his own sons executed for treachery if the boy hadn't beaten him to it."
      "Altridem is only a child, and you said that those boys threatened Pironem. Surely, it was only a defensive action."
      "I am their godfather, I know them. Altridem... He isn't right. He has always been more aggressive than Pironem. He would talk to himself until someone entered the room. That child has never been right in the head."
      "I can only hope that he doesn't hurt Serrima."
      My jaw hits the floor. Architima had her eyes locked on her stomach while she said that, it didn't make too much sense, however it did click in my head that these people are my parents.
      It explains the scars, the suicide note I found, these were from cuts. The most powerful wave of emotions hits me and I feel tears start to drip down my face.
      The world begins to spin again and I am jolted back to consciousness by Jet who looked visibly shaken. He quickly is wiping the tears from my face, making sure I am alright. I look to the Snow Pendant, its glow now dimming.
      I try my best to blink away the tears, sniffling as I do. Even though we were still on Mount Eikilleanas, whatever that dream was, it felt so real, as though I were in another world.
      Jet places his hands on my shoulders, he looked utterly scared, I think he figured the situation was worse than it actually turned out to be.
      "My queen! Are you alright?" I manage to catch Jet say once my hearing has finally returned.
      "Yeah... Yeah, I am fine." I rub my aching head, feeling as though someone had bashed a rock against my head... Please tell me I did not actually get hit in the head. "What happened?"
      "I am not sure, your majesty. The cave began to collapse, as soon as we had made it out, the next thing I knew, you had fainted."
      I stumble my way to my feet, with the help of Jet of course, and look to what remained of the cave. The only connection I could make between the collapse and having fainted was the Snow Pendant. Whatever I saw must have been from it, however I could not seem to figure out why.
      "My queen, perhaps it would be best if you took some time to recover, rest for a while. This has all been far too much for you to take in at once." Jet recommends, holding me upright.
      There really was no fighting it, it was Jet after all. I agree for the two of us to return to the High Grounds so that I may rest while Jet decides where we go from here. I curl up in a ball, my wings wrapped around me once more.
      I did manage to fall asleep, however the dream came back, the same man and woman from before, my parents, appeared before me once more. The dialogue repeats, however, towards the end, I begin to hear my name echoing around me.
      The voices begin to deepen, then an image of a man, tanned skin and brown hair, the black wings of a Veltsen and dark robes, appears before me. Looming over him was a deep red figure, it was a little difficult to make out as it blended well into the background, however you could clearly make out his glowing white eyes.
      The two of them joined in on repeating my name, over and over, before making their way close to me. I could already feel my heart racing, the dark figure then leaps out to grab me and I am startled awake.
      Jet quickly comes to my aid, calming down my rapid breathing, stroking the side of my head and trying to gently soothe me as I was quite frightened. He then has me explain my dreams.
      I had no choice but to tell him, he would never let up unless I did. He did not seem at all pleased with my explanation, crossing his arms at my hopeful expression, after all I might have just gotten my first glimpse of my parents. He seemed rather concerned by the people towards the end of the dream however.
      "My queen, these are just dreams. I believe it is merely a subconscious thought that, after learning your fate, you might learn what came to be of your parents, who they were, why or how they met. It is virtually impossible for you to know things about a person without having met them. The others who appeared..."
      He pauses. He seemed uneasy, however I do not think he genuinely knew. "I am unsure about them. You have had no true reason to dream about those two. They are dreams, your majesty, nothing more."
      "But, Jet. I can just feel that there is something else. Like I am meant to have seen this. I want to know more."
      "It is too dangerous my queen. You could end up running headfirst into a situation that could hurt you, I will not allow you to go and get yourself killed!"
      "But I know nothing about my past! I don't know what I am or why, how can I go on to be queen when I don't know who I was to begin with? Don't you want me to find out at least something?"
      "That is enough, your majesty. End of discussion."
      "Jet, please!"
      "Enough, Serrima." He shouts. I don't think he quite intended to raise his voice, I think I hit his last straw.
      I back up from him, a look of utter disbelief and betrayal on my face, a tear running down my cheek. I think he only now realized exactly what he had said, he tries to apologize, however I take off running.
      I rip the cloth off of my wings and leap from the side of the High Grounds. It takes me a second to regain control of my wings, biting my cheek to avoid crying out in pain.
      There was one place that I hoped would tell me more about my past. Whether Jet intended to help me or not.
      There were stories of a cave in the forest near one of the foster homes I grew up in called Rtutasca, the cave of fallen angels. When an honorable Sevitan dies, their spirit can linger on in the cave if they had unfinished business before they passed. Standing at the entrance to the cave, I felt a little nervous.
      The cold air wafting out from inside, small beams of light like curtains from holes in the roof of the cave. I travel along the left wall, letting my hand drag across the stone as I shuffle my way in, making an attempt to avoid tripping or falling into any sort of hole.
      I could feel chills travel along my arms and down my back, sensing the long since past Sevitan who remain in the cave. I bow my head in respect despite how unnerving the feeling was. Upon reaching a dead end, I hold the Snow Pendant in my hand and close my eyes.
     That same falling feeling shocks my body and I jolt my eyes open once more, finding myself back in the dark abyss of my dreams. My mother stands before me, dad right beside her, with her holding her arms out to me. I give a small gasp, a tear running down my cheek, I instantly run to her.
      Both my mom and dad wrap their arms around me, even crossing their wings over mine. They say nothing, however it felt the same as though they were telling me everything I needed to head.
     My mother parts our hug before placing her hands on either side of my face, and while she had a big. Bright smile, she also seemed sad at the same time.
      "Oh, my beautiful girl!" She exclaims.
      "Momma." I can barely fight back my tears.
      "You must have so many questions, my dear."
      "Why did you give me up?"
      The response shocked her. She looks to my father, who still had his wing wrapped around me. He gives her a sweet smile before placing a hand on my shoulder.
      Now knowing that these were indeed my parents, it did occur how unusual it was for me to have such light skin, especially from having mixed parents. The best that I could chalk it up to was that it was a defect from being a crossbreed. My dad spoke before my mother could.
      "We couldn't bear to be apart." He chimes in with a soft voice. "The Veltsen government was not too happy to learn that one of their spies had fallen in love with a Sevitan. I am sure that I would have merely lost my wings had they not learned of your mother's pregnancy."
      "When your father died, I felt as though I had lost everything. I was a wreck. I barely left my room. Detrina tried so hard to get me to come out, however, she never could succeed." Mom begins. "The moment I gave birth to you, I knew that I could not care for you, I could not even care for myself.
      I had hoped that Detrina would care for you for me, I suppose I was wrong. That morning after you were born, I wrote the note, gave you a kiss on the forehead, then I flew to Cielis Tower, tied up my wings and jumped from the top."
      "I always thought that it was because of me..."
      "Oh, no, sweetheart! It was never because of you. I loved you with all of my heart, I still do, I just would not have been able to raise you when I was so distraught over losing your father.
      If the Veltsen had discovered that it was I whom your father loved and bared his child, they would have killed us before you were even born.
      Those wicked angels show no compassion to any beings if they do not bear black wings. For the longest time, I had figured that all Veltsen were the same, until, of course, I met your father."
      "Momma, what am I? Why does everyone want me dead?"
      "Because, even after all this time, they still wish to take over Iveska. If you become queen then that is it for both governments. The Sevitan will be on your side through this, as they were with Queen Taima, however, the Veltsen shall always desire control of Iveska."
      "Serrima, I just want you to remember, no matter what happens, we will always be watching over you. You will make it through this, I know you will. We love you, darling."
      "I love you guys too."
      They pull me into their embrace once more before fading away. I blink my eyes and am returned to the cave. Standing in the little light shining through was Jet, who appeared to have been waiting for me to finish walking among my dreams.
      I cross my arms and give a sad glare to the god, I wanted to be extremely angry with him, however, something in my head was telling me to just forgive him and move on already. I can only imagine that it was my parents trying to guide me, they did say they would watch over me.
      "How did you know that I would be here, Jet?" I scold.
      "Because I knew that it was not something as simple as a dream." Jet starts, stepping back a bit. "I knew that this would happen if we retrieved the Snow Pendant. I did not want you to learn about your family in case you learned something that hurt you.
      Neither of us knew much about them. I had thought that I was trying to protect you, however, when I saw the look of hurt on your face, I knew that I had only done the opposite. I am very sorry, my queen."
      "The only thing that bothers me now is the fact that I learned something good. If I had remained at the camp, I might have lived the rest of my life not knowing that my parents loved me. I can forgive you Jet, just please, next time just tell me what is going on, I am sure I would understand."
     He apologetically holds out a hand to me, it almost seemed rather ominous when he stands half in the light and half out. It began to give me the impression that there is more to this lone god than I know, that there was a side of him hidden in the shadows and the side of him that he uses as a facade.
      I reluctantly take his hand and he leads me out of the cave. Before we have the chance to head back to the High Grounds, Jet turns to me with a smirk.
      "Off we go, your majesty. There is still much that we have to do." Jet jokes. I stifle a laugh, coming out more as a snort and we take off.