Philophobia

The Realization

I remember 5 years ago in the 7th grade Dylan asked me out on a official date....the first one I would have ever been on and I remember every single detail of that day as if it was only yesterday and not a lifetime ago.

We walked to the school side by side talking about nothing in particular just jumping from topic to topic enjoying each others company, and although anyone who looked at us just now would think other wise but we were just friends.

"Jas can you meet me after school" he asked shuffling his feet back and forth back then he was a nervous wreck but and adorable one with his brown hair falling in his face his lopsided smile and deep blue eyes wide with anticipation.

"Where at?" I asked tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear and eyeing him suspiciously

"The usual place" he replied his voice soft and smooth like honey

I'll admit I was extremely curious as to why we were meeting after school but I assumed it was a surprise so I didn't ask the golden question that didn't mean I was okay with not knowing what was going on but I trusted Dylan. So little ole me went through the entire day wondering and coming up with impossible scenarios that by the time the bell rang I was practically jumping out of my seat. I raced towards the willow tree about 100 feet from the school entrance and looked at it in all its glory, tall, old, magnificent, ancient and beautiful it was one of my favorite places in the whole wide world at the time. Suddenly two hands covered my eyes and warmth filled me I knew this feeling, the way my body reacted before my mind whenever he touched me I could just never put a name to it, the thing is Dylan didn't even have to speak for me to know it was him but he did anyways.

"Guess who?" He asks in a singsong voice a voice that was as always soft and sweet and always questioning, the voice I knew better than the back of my hand the voice that sang to me and stayed with me and talked me through all the tough times like when my parents divorced and my grams died.

I giggled before speaking pretending not to know who it was "Channing Tatum" keep in mind that I was thirteen and my mom loved Channing more than I did so that explains my answer

"No"

"Zac Efron"

"No" I could tell he was getting annoyed which only fueled my laughter

"Chill Dyl I'm kidding I know it's you"

"You better" he mumbled dropping his hands from my eyes I turned around to face him

"So why'd you wanna meet" I asked enthusiastically

"I um I have something I kinda wanna asked you" he said tripping over his words

"What is it" I prompted

"Would you consider I mean will you um would"

"Oi Spit out already"

"Will you go on a date with me?" He said in a rush blue eyes downcast and waiting for a answer

"See that wasn't so hard was it wait what?" I said catching on to what he said

"Will you go out on a date with me" he asked looking at me in the eyes

"You know my dads going to kill you right"

" I figured"

"And there's no going back"

"I know"

"You know I'm crazy"

"That's why I like you so much your not afraid to be who you are"

"Your insane" I said exaggeratedly

"That just means we fit together"

"Ok..yes"

"Oh wait you said yes"

"No der bird brains"

He pulled me into a hug and twirled me around while I giggled when he put me back on the ground he kissed my cheek and I felt my face heat up.

"I swear I'll never hurt you I'll treat you like a princess you won't regret this"

"I know Dyl sheesh but you might wanna wear a bullet proof vest when YOU tell my daddy"

He visibly gulped "oh lord" he whispered as we walked to my house hand in hand

"Hope you know what you got yourself into best friend"

"Jas I've known you my whole life I got this"

"Whatever playboy" I teased

I remember that day precisely because back then when I was thirteen the world was a perfect place and I trusted Dylan with my life but later that year I met Lisa the third person in our group and my best friend. I also remember how my dad glared at Dylan for the first time since Id known him because we weren't just friends anymore but he also said he'd rather it be someone he trusts taking out his baby girl than some idiot. It's funny how things change now I can't stand the boy I once trusted more than anyone else and my dad was ready to shoot him down if he set one foot in the yard my mom had also threatened him which I found hilarious. She told him that if he even looked at me she would gauge his out or staple them open cut of his hand feed it to him then see his lips shut so he couldn't utter another lie or tell anyone what had happened I mean that's what you get for messing with mama bear she scared everyone when she got angry you did not want to be on her bad side. Any ways when sophomore year came around something about him changed, and I automatically sensed it I mean I knew him better than he knew himself I knew something was up I just didn't want to admit it I didn't want to admit that the guy who knew me inside and out the guy who I have my heart to the one who promised to treat me like a princess and never hurt me was gone, changed and I certainly didn't want to entertain the idea of him cheating on me it just wasn't the same guy I once knew. I mean look at who he was and look at him now and you'll notice two completely different people. Well any who back to the present I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out in front of a extremely hot stranger and I have no idea why.

I felt comfortable around this guy I was relaxed and I didn't mind crying and telling him all I had been holding back the problem was just about his reaction when I finished.

"So ever since then he's made my life a living hell"

The guy whose name I still don't know growled and I really mean growled it was a fierce and deadly sound but oddly enough it was attractive. I put a hand on his shoulder and met his eyes the stormy grey pools held anger.

"It's no big deal really I can handle it"

"That's not the point the point is you shouldn't have to he was lucky enough to have you but he was stupid enough to hurt you and let you go now he's made the mistake of making things worse so whatever I do to him he'll deserve" mystery man finished his jaw clenched tight I chuckled the sound was low and dark

"He may deserve it but I don't need you fighting my battles and he'll get what's coming to him I also don't even get why you care or why you're going all alpha male on me when I don't even know your name." I said with equal fierceness

"Dimitri" he said smoothly causing me to shiver

"Well Dimitri" he name rolled off my tongue and honestly I shouldn't have but I liked the sound of it and it suited him "this isn't your fight" I said standing up and beginning to walk away but mr.sexy grabbed my wrist

"Your right this isn't my fight but I won't let him hurt you"

"Why do you care" I whispered

He shrugged in response before speaking "I shouldn't because I just met you and all but there's something about you and where I come drone we don't pass up the opportunity to help a damsel in distress" he joked

"I'm not a damsel in distress" I said and then I yanked my wrist from his grasp and walked away leaving the beautiful stranger behind me.

And as I walked away I realized my heartbreak was partly my fault I painted this perfect picture of Dylan in my head and that's exactly where it stayed in my head along with the person he used to be it was just all in my head.

Symptom 5 of Philophobia- denying your true feelings

Symptom 6 of Philophobia- detachment from the real world/remembering what hurts the most