Unperfect Girl (Love Story)

Depression

Alexis's point of view

After Elizabeth finished wrapping up my arms. She gave me my clothes she washed. I got dressed, in the bathroom. I didn't like her seeing my body. Though, she already has.

I grabbed my backpack and said "I should get going." "Ok. Text me later?" She asked. "Yeah." I replied. "Bye, Elizabeth" I walked out the door. She watched me walk out of sight. I went straight home after that.

I wanted to cut, but I told her I would try not to. I don't know if I can stop, though. Everything is all just to much, and sometimes I don't want to do it anymore. Cutting is the only way I've stopped myself from ending it. So now that I'm stopping, will I be able to deal with it? It's all to much.

It feels as if there are a thousand boulders on me. Everytime I get rid of one fifty more pop up. It's getting so heavy, and it's crushing. I scream for help, over and over but nothing comes out. People see me, they watch and just pass by. After so long of those boulders crushing down on me. Fighting begans to get so hard, and I become tired. So I slowly begin to stop fighting. Until, all the boulders crush me.

To me, that's what it all feels like. The worst part is it's on repeat, every single day. Every second and everyday it's the same pain over and over. Never ending. When you doing it alone, it's like nobody knows you. So, your all alone in all of it.

How do I deal with it everyday you ask? Well, right now, it's as if I'm in survival mode. Only doing, what I need to get by. No extra. After so long, you get used to all of it. So you know how to deal with it, but at some point you lose hope. You lose hope in anything and everything. You stop loving everything you used to love.

You become this whole different person. Who nobodys recognizes, not even you recognize yourself. You don't care about things anymore. it's this over whelming feeling that fear that your gonna wake up the next morning.