Book of Ruel

Tired

I brush the hair out of his face, proceeding to just run my fingers and comb through it, knowing how relaxed he feels when I do so. As I'm running my fingers through his hair, we hit a bump while driving, instantly resulting in my poor baby waking up. I can see all the crew members in the van glance back at us, all of them having been mindful to keep quiet and let him rest during the ride, frown upon seeing the tall boy sit up and rub his hands down his face. I watch Ruel silently as he leans forward and rests his face in his hands, wanting to give him a few personal moments before talking to him.

He quietly groans out, frustrated with the way he's feeling and completely infuriated that he can't change the way him and his body feel. I reach my hand out, softly placing it on his thigh, letting him know I'm here for him. He turns to me and grabs my legs to put over his lap, in the process pushing his body closer to mine, almost situating me completely onto his lap. I sit sideways with my back against the wall of the Van, and the rest of my body resting on Ruel, as he rests his arms over my legs and waits for us to get home. We pull up to the apartment complex I live in, saying bye to the crew and that we'll miss them, even though we're all getting together next week for a celebration. Ruel goes to the back and pulls out our bags, waiting for his mom and sisters to come say bye to him, since Ruel spends majority of his time at my apartment it doesn't really phase them.

"Bye you two, I love you both. Get some sleep please though, you look exhausted and deserve to rest" Kate softly tells him, watching the conflicting emotions cross his face. He nods his head and hugs her tighter, feeling his eyes water from the absolute exhaustion he was feeling. Upon seeing the teary look, Coco and Sylvie step up and give him a small group hug, Kate and I standing back and watching the cute sibling moment. They pull back, still holding onto him, with Coco shifting an arm to wipe away the few tears that have fallen down his face, knowing her baby brother was mentally and physically drained.

"Ruel you're only 18, don't burn yourself out. We know you love your fans, they know that, but you need to give yourself some love too. Self care is important, don't be an idiot and start taking care of yourself or we're gonna have a problem" Coco softly talks to him before ending in a normal partially threatening tone, causing him to laugh for the first time today. He gives them one last hug before walking back over to me and picking the bags up so we can head inside, waving a small goodbye to his family and turning to walk away.

"See you guys tomorrow!" I call out to them as I turn to follow Ruel, watching the matching grins they all show me. Ruel technically still lives with them, but he spends all his nights here, with us just hanging out there during the day a couple times a week. We slowly start to make our way up to the apartment, finally getting in with him throwing our bags next to the couch and dragging his feet to our bedroom. I follow after him quietly, knowing he just wants to nap right now, planning on just changing and letting him nap in peace as I watch tv in the living room. He strips down to his boxers, throwing himself under the covers, watching me as I change into one of his shirts and start to head out of the room.

"Where are you going?" He calls out, his voice strained from the pressure of the last few weeks. I turn back to him with a confused look, tilting my head to the side a bit. He watches me with his own perplexed expression, before standing up and walking over to me, grabbing me and throwing me onto the bed. He falls on top of me, looking up at me with a soft smile, slightly holding himself up with his arms so that he doesn't crush me like the giant he is.

"You're not leaving this room love, I'm tired which means it's time to sleep, which also means I'm forcing you to cuddle with me and give me attention." He states, leaving no room to even try to disagree with him. I roll my eyes playfully at how dramatic he is, before wrapping my arms around his neck to have him fully rest on me. He settles his body between my legs and rests his head on me with a quiet but content sigh. He reaches a hand out and grabs one of mine, putting it to rest on top of his head, giving me the signal that he wants his hair played with. I run my fingers through his hair, softly massaging his scalp, listening to the way his breathing starts to slow down.

"I love you bub, thank you for taking care of me. You're the best thing to ever happen to me." He quietly mumbles out against my chest, tilting his head a tiny bit to make eye contact with me through lidded eyes. I lean down a bit and press a kiss to his forehead, watching the love that fills his eyes as he looks at me, feeling the soft grin I know he has on his face against my stomach.

"I love you too. I'll always take care of you, just like how you take care of me. Go to sleep baby, I'll be right here when you wake up" I whisper back, watching the way his eyes slowly shut and his grip on me tightens, subconsciously making sure I can't leave. I continue playing with his hair, feeling the quiet exhales from him through his shirt that I have on, feeling the soft tickle of his hair against me whenever he shifts, and feeling more in love than I thought possible.

I slowly let my hand come to a stop, resting it on top of his head, as I feel myself start to drift off. I slowly start to move my body down so that I can cuddle with him, freezing instantly once I see his eyes drowsily open and look at me. He lets out a soft chuckle and rests on his forearms, pulling my body down so that my head can rest on a pillow, before laying back down and wrapping his arms around me. I smile fondly as he shoves his head into the crook of my neck and tangles our legs together, before finally getting comfortable and pressing a soft kiss against my neck.

I fall asleep to the sounds of his relaxed breathing and the feeling of his arms wrapped around me. I never knew what people meant when they said to find someone that feels like home, but being wrapped up in his embrace explains it all to me. I didn't know I could love someone as much as I love him, but here I am being used as a personal pillow and not being able to picture myself anywhere else. I smile at the thoughts that consume my mind, the thoughts of nothing but love, drifting off into a peaceful sleep, holding my beautiful exhausted boy.