The Escape

Ch. 18 - Back to School and Secrets

"Baby, it's time for dinner," she tries to open the but since my chair is there, it wont open. "Baby, why can't I get in your room, please open your door!" She yells sounding a bit frantic. I quickly move the chair out of reach before opening the door so she doesn't think that's what I was using to block it.

"Hey Ma, sorry about that, the door must have just been a little stuck or something and I was in the bathroom." I lie to her, she gives me a mixture of a suspicious look and a concerned look, I really hate lying to her, but if they knew about it they would never let me out of their site.

"It's okay baby, go ahead and head downstairs, Mom is already down there. I'll be down there in a minute," Ma said and then kissed my head when I walked past her.

Amelia POV

The door was definitely not stuck, but I pretended to believe her since I didn't have any proof otherwise. I sent her downstairs so I could check her room to make sure everything was all good. She knows she's allowed to slip once all of her work is done and she has been done for a good while now. Not that we don't like big Lucy, it's just she doesn't slip when something bad is going on or if she needs to have a serious conversation.

As I make my way into her room, I see her rolling desk chair is not next to her desk, but instead looks like it was pushed away from her door. That could have been what was blocking it since we don't allow for locks on our doors. Not because we don't want others to have their privacy, but we are afraid if a door is locked and Lucy slips that something bad could happen.

I make my way into her bathroom and so far everything seems okay, but I decide to check her cabinet just in case. I open it up and start digging around, in the back corner behind bathroom cleaner I feel something sharp. I pull it out and it's a blade that comes out of a shaving razor. When I saw it, I felt like my heart shattered.

I sat in the floor with tears in my eyes for five minutes before I convinced myself I needed to get up. I tuck the blade in my pocket before checking the rest of her bathroom for anymore blades but I don't find any. I make my way downstairs and immediately Mel looks my direction with concern written on her face. I just shook my head and went to eat dinner with my girls.

After dinner, I tell Lucy to go watch some TV since she's no longer grounded so I can clean up and talk to Mel. As she leaves, Mel speaks up first, "It's weird to not see her in little space right now. I expected her to slip as soon as she was done with her work." I sighed, trying to find my words to tell Mel, but she's already questioning me. "Ame? Babe, what's wrong?"

I couldn't find the words, so I just pulled the blade out of my pocket and put it on the table.

Melissa POV

"What the hell is that?" I ask Ame, questioning her about the blade she just set on my table. She looked like she was getting ready to cry again, so I went around to her and pulled her into a hug.

Crying, she said, "I found it in Lucy's bathroom." That made me pause, "WHAT?" She held a little tighter, "Shh, babe, don't let Lucy know we are talking about this yet." Amelia took a deep breath before starting again.

"I went upstairs to get Lucy after you had already been there and her door was locked. She eventually came and opened the door, but she told me it must have been stuck. After I sent her downstairs I wanted to check her room out, but I found that her desk chair was no where near her desk, but instead near her door. She used it to lock the door. So I decided to check her bathroom out too, which is where I found this. It was hidden behind bathroom cleaner. Mel, why would she hide this from us?"

Shaking my head, I answered, "I have no clue, but we are getting to the bottom of it right now." I called Lucy into the kitchen which she quickly came in, but stopped when she saw the blade on the table. Last time we confronted her about something, she ran, so I was prepared to stop her if needed. She surprised me when she ran into Amelia and I's arms crying. "I'm so sorry moms. Please don't make me leave. I promise I haven't done it since before I met you guys."

Amelia picked Lucy up and set her in her lap, "shh sweetheart, we aren't mad." Lucy looked up at her before asking, "You aren't?" I answered that time, "No baby girl, we aren't mad. We are confused on why you didn't tell us and scared as all get out that you have ever done this or still have the thoughts to do it."

Lucy POV

I never wanted them to find out about this, I'm already broken between acting like a baby, my anxiety, and my headaches. The last thing they needed was to find out I had self-harmed and still got the temptation to do it. I hadn't been little all day, but I felt like I needed it now.

I sat crying on Momma's lap, "Do ou till wan me?" Now it was momma's turn to tear up, "What baby? Of course we still want you. You are our baby girl, nothing will change that. We just need you to trust us baby. I know that is so hard for you to do because of your past, but Mommy and I are here to love you, to protect you, to cherish you, and most of all, to protect you. We can't do that if you don't let us in that pretty little head of yours."

"Schoo means I no safe in my old house an I wan be safe ere. Dat why I big all day." Momma picks me up and carries me to the couch so Mommy could snuggle with me. "Baby, you are safe here, I promise you. Momma nor I would ever hurt a hair on your precious head. You don't ever have to be scared again, okay baby? Now can you tell us why you still have the blade?"

"I no use it no more, I too scare dat you fin it an I no wanna be in trouble. I no know why I keep it. I sowwy mommies." Mommy kissed my head before speaking, "It's okay baby, I'm glad you haven't used it. We aren't mad at you and you aren't in trouble. We were just really scared and would be so sad if something happened to you baby."

Momma talked this time, "I know you probably aren't going to like this baby, but we are going to be keeping a closer eye on you okay?" I nodded, "That means you have to be with us at all times and if you want to shave, you have to ask for a razor and either Mommy or myself will be with you. It's not that we don't trust you, we just know that it's hard for you to talk to us sometimes. So until we think you aren't going to hurt yourself and you start talking to us more, this is how it's going to be, okay? That sound fair?"

I nodded and said, "yea momma, dat fair." Mommy carried me upstairs while Momma followed. Mommy changed me into a diaper before carrying me back into their room with both of my elephants in my arms. Mommy talked again, "Now baby, I know you had a rough day... do you want to nurse with both of us?"

I looked at Momma and Mommy and they both nodded so I quickly made my way over to Mommy and started to suckle her breast while she scratched my head. When I started feeling drowsy, I unlatched and relatched onto Momma while she scratched my head just like Mommy. After awhile, I started to fall asleep, so momma moved me in between her and mommy. "I yuv ou Momma, I yuv ou Mommy," I say. They both pushed their bodies closer and kissed the top of my head, "We love you too baby girl, so much, you are so important to us." Mommy said. Momma spoke up too, "It's true baby, we love you with everything we are. We don't want you to have to fight these battles alone, just trust us. Now go to sleep sweetie."

And with that, my doubts slowly started disappearing. They weren't gone completely, but time and time again, mommies have shown that they will never give me up and that they love me. I think it's time I fully trust people again. I love them too much to not show it like I should be.

A/N: Very long and not edited. Apologies😂