Glow Up!

🍀 Toxic Friendships 🍀

They are/you are their one and only friend.
You want to hold on to them forever because of this.
You are scared of leaving them in fear of being alone.
But you have to end it.

* * *

I believe very well that this toxic person has been in your life for a while now. Of course, every relationship has its ups and downs, but you sense an intensity between you and your friend when things are bad. S/he would blame it on you or make you feel guilty in any way or form, and then your self esteem drops. This brings us to the first sign of a toxic friendship - They lower your self esteem. This could be because they are jealous of your position in life (in most cases, also judging from experience).

Then they say to you, "oh, Eva, my day was horrible and I need a drink, go buy me a drink..." OK, we get it, your friend is tired. So you go get her a drink, with your money, because why not, she's your BFF (one and ONLY friend). You'll do anything to keep hold of her. But when you come back with the drink, she storms off, maybe forgetting to say goodbye & take care and so you feel like you don't matter. This brings us to the second sign, taking all the time for themselves, or in other words, selfish. But she took the drink you paid for, not even a "thank you"??! Ungrateful little brat...

Next, they might be hanging out with some of her other 'best friends' , although she considers YOU her 'best friend'. You feel betrayed as she has other friends, but you don't say anything because you know how dramatic she is. This is not the worst part. The worst part is when you hang out with someone else, no matter who it is, and she feels what you felt before, you know, when she was hanging out with her best friends. Then she gets super mad at you for hanging out with someone else apart from her, and you try to say "but Meredith, you were hanging out with your friends, you left me just so you could hang out with them, I thought I was your best friend" but either she doesn't give you a chance to speak, she marches away or she replies like 'and so what? Is there a problem?' this I would probably call control or overpoweringness (if that's even a word) and they try to take control of the whole friendship. They get to do what they want to do, but you don't. Additionally, because she has other friends, and you know about it because she TOLD you, she's trying to make you feel like you're in some sort of competition to see who's the better friend. You shouldn't have any hate OR competition towards the other friend/s, it's not their fault. It's Meredith's. She put you in this place.

She has your hydroflask (let's pretend for this one that it breaks) and she's holding it to the edge of the table, and she's teasing you like the bitch she is.
You hope that she doesn't drop it, and it doesn't break. Now it's broken because she dropped it. What happens next? Well, you're furious because it's yours and she had no right to touch it in the first place and you feel like she owes you something (which she hella does!!!), but she doesn't say sorry and sits there and does nothing about it, however her face is bright red, embarrassed, trying to play the victim. There are two signs that s/he is toxic, they:
1. Play victim (try and make you feel like the bad guy)
2. Never apologize or pay you back in a nice way.
She didn't say sorry because she does want to own up to her mistake, so she avoids giving you an apology. Ugh, what a narcissist. She's trying to make herself believe that it was right to break your hydroflask, although it was an accident, but she's too afraid to admit she wad wrong and she made a mistake. She's trying to be a perfectionist, too.

There is another sign of her being a toxic bitch. She kicks you, takes something of yours, calls you names, basically bullies you.
But she's you're one and only friend, and the trusting, hopeful person you are, hoping she'll change and be nice to you, you just dismiss it like it was nothing. You are numbed to the bullets she fires at you, the bombs she drops on you, everything she does to torture you. It's bullying, you guessed it. But she's also using your weakness against you. Your weakness: you only have one not-so best friend and that's her.  Losing her would ache you forever.