More than a friend

Ch 6: Road Trips

Six months later

RPOV

"We have been driving for the last five hours! Where the hell are we going?" I growled from the passenger seat, shifting uncomfortably in the summer heat.
"Patience Rosie, patience. All will be revealed in due time," replied the dark haired moroi looking at ease beside me. Usually heat like this would have the mortal vampires suffering but with the windows tinted it provided some protection from the blazing sun.
"Do you know what else will be revealed to you?" I asked sweetly. "Your pretty little fangs in your hand if you don't tell me where the fuck we are going!" I screeched. I saw him cringe and tighten his grip on the steering wheel.
"For Christ's sake Rose, calm down. All this stress and screaming isn't good for the baby who is probably having rougher time inside of your stomach."
"What's that suppose to mean?" I asked threateningly.
"It means that you're literally a walking prison for the poor thing and if I were him, I would lose my mind listening to my psycho mother scream all fucking day," answered Christian bleakly.
"I'm terrified to expose my child to you. Who knows what crazy crap you'd plant in their head."
"That kid will be lucky to have me in his life. Someone to teach him exactly what life has to offer. Also to remind you to feed him."
"Him? Who says it's a boy?"
His pale skin turned slightly pink but his tone remained indifferent, "I don't know, just a feeling."

We were quite for a while before he spoke again. "What do you think you're having?"
I looked down at my prominent baby dump under my shirt. Whenever I thought of the baby I always pictured a little boy that looked just like Dimitri. I imagined he would have the same light skin, deep eyes and dark hair just like his father. These thoughts would make my heart skip while crushing my soul in the process. It ached to think of him, to even say his name and the thought of having my child grow up to look exactly like the person who brought me pain made me feel so conflicted inside.
"So what do you think?"
"Huh?" I asked startled.
"What's up with you? All I asked was what you thought you're having. It's not a hard question."
"Sorry. I just...I don't know."
"You don't know? Don't mothers have this special sense in knowing their child's gender?" teased Christian.
I didn't reply. I didn't know what to say. The closer it got to my date the more nervous I got.

We drove again with only the car radio filling in the silence, the uncomfortable silence. It was strange because since leaving the academy Christian and I had lived in harmony with each other. We still fought and teased each other but it wasn't based on hatred and anger like before. No, these were petty arguments amongst friends who spent too much time with each other.

After leaving the academy Christian and I had immediately seperated ourselves from the moroi community. We spent the first few weeks staying at hotels but our cash load was running out. Luckily, depending on how to look at it, we found a way to earn some cash along the way.
While staying at a motel in Oregon we were attacked by Strigoi. There were other moroi around but none had a Guardian to protect them. When Christian and I fought and killed them together they were fascinated by his use of magic. They asked to be trained and offered to pay us. Since then we've been travelling all over the US, teaching moroi who wanted to learn how to protect themselves against the growing threat. Christian would focus on the magic aspect while I helped them with hand to hand combat. As helpful as magic is, sometimes it's good to know how to throw a decent punch.

As successful as that was we decided it would be better to avoid travelling now since it really wasn't fun moving around with a big belly and a weak bladder. But he woke me up at the crack of dawn and packed all our stuff in the car and we've been driving since then.
I think the worst part about being in here wasn't the heat or the pregnancy issues but the fact that it gave me too much of time to think ,to reflect, to reminisce. I tried to keep myself busy to avoid these moments of silence but they were unavoidable.

"Where are we going Christian?" I asked blankly.
"I told you Rose, it's a surprise."
"No, I mean with this," I said gesturing between us. " Where are we going with our situation? How are we going to make this work?" I asked turning to look at him.
"Why are you asking me this now Rose?" he asked.
"Because we never spoke about it. Because we can't keep on doing this, driving from city to city, staying in motels, we can't keep living like this. And it's not fair on you."
"Not fair on me? Are you still on that guilt trip of yours?" He all but sneered at me.
"It's not a guilt trip! It's-"
"Yes it is Rose. You're hell bent on feeling guilty for shit you didn't even do. Why do you keep doing this to yourself."
"I can't help it! It's all I think about. It's all my fault. I'm the one who kept secrets from Lissa. It's because of me Lissa was angry with you. I pushed her away just like I pushed Dimitri. If I just slowed down, if I just did what I was supposed to do he wouldn't have left. We wouldn't have had to leave." By the end of my rant I couldn't breathe. My chest hurt and my eyes began to sting with unshed tears.
Quietly Christian pulled off on the side of the road. He unlocked his seat belt and turned to me.
"Listen to me, none of this is your fault. You couldn't have possibly saw what's coming and as much as it sucks you can't change the past. Forget about Lissa, Belikov and me. None of us matter. All that matters is you and that baby. You can't keep blaming yourself for what's happened but you can make the best of this crappy situation."
"What if he asked about him?"
"He?" I nodded my head and looked down at my belly.
"Then we will answer whatever question he or she has about him together" said Christian gently.

"Have you thought about telling him?"
"What good would that do?" I asked turning away.
"It could change things. Maybe he would come back" said the fire user.
"Then no."
"What? Why?" he asked incredulously.
"You said it, he would come back. He'll come back but not because he loved me, but because of responsibility. If he wanted to be part of our baby's life, of my life, he should have kept his promise and stayed."
"But how could he have known?" asked Christian gently.
"It doesn't matter. He's gone and even if I wanted to contact him, I have no idea where the hell he is. I'm not going to go search for him because I don't need his help. I can do this without him," I said and for the first time I actually believed it. For months I have been questioning whether or not I could do this. Raise this child without Dimitri but after saying it aloud I feel like maybe I could do this.

I gently placed my hand on my melon of a stomach and made a promise to him or her. I vowed I would shower this baby with so much love and care that they would never feel the absence of their father. I would protect them from the world and would do anything and everything to make sure they were safe.

I think Christian knew what was going on in my mind because he placed his cold hand over mine, a silent promise to always be by my side.