And Then There Was Victor

Chapter 26

He was staring at me and I wished he didn't because he was making it harder for me to leave, for me to run away. My heart, that organ I once controlled, was split in half, right down the middle. Half of it wanting to see the world and the other half wanting to stay with him, even if it meant taking crumbs, like a roach under a sink. He was quiet, his stare was piercing, the brown eyes intense and questioning.

"Aren't you going to miss us?" he said suddenly, and I met his eyes, my heart thundering in my chest. He did not shift his gaze; I had learned already that he had quite an intense stare if he wished.

I opened my mouth, dimly hearing Jon and Steven walking to us.

"Yeah, of course, I mean I'm going to miss you guys."

Still, he stared and I was forced to glance at him once more. There sat Victor Manning staring right at me and I could scarcely breathe. It had been so much easier when I would tease him about his handkerchief.

"No. I mean aren't you going to miss us. You and me," he said slowly and deliberately so I wouldn't misunderstand his meaning.

Us.

He locked eyes with mine. I swore I saw the entire universe in his eyes. I wanted to say something meaningful, something solid and true. But I didn't. I hesitated. Here he was, the only guy that I had truly known, asking if he would miss him. If I would miss the two of us together. The thought of not seeing him every day crushed me, absolutely devastated me.

"Yeah. Of course." I whispered but I had seen that shift in his eyes.

I had taken too long and he retreated. He looked down, embarrassed, and I didn't know what to say or what to do so when Jon bounced to us blabbing about going to Burger King I laughed because I had to do something.

×××

I didn't quite understand why Victor would ignore me or avoid me but that's exactly what he did for the rest of the term even when I did see him, I always felt he was pulling away from me. As if he were sand and I a wave in our sea. I didn't like Emma, love obviously didn't work like that. You didn't just fall in love with your best friend and he didn't fall in love with you. I sobbed when it finished.

The day before the semester ended, I ran into Crystal which I had not seen since the party and I was surprised to see how distant she seemed. I greeted her like I always did.

"How are things with Victor?"

She looked at me confused. "We broke up. If we were ever together. I'm surprised he didn't tell you."

I stared at her in utter confusion. He hadn't said anything, not a hint. "No, he didn't."

She shrugged and her red hair fell delicately over her shoulders. "Yeah, it wasn't... I've never been with a guy who wasn't into me."

"He was!" I said.

She let out a sardonic laugh as she looked me over. "He wasn't. Anyways, I have a final now. Take care of yourself, Becka. I heard you got into a program in Chicago, probably won't see you, I'm doing next semester abroad in London."

"That sounds amazing!" I said.

"Yeah." She turned to leave and then paused, staring at me. "You know, he's going to be heartbroken. You leaving. All he talked about when we were together was you."

I didn't know what to say to that so I simply watched her walk away. I really didn't think Victor could be that dumb to ruin a perfectly good relationship for what? And talking about me all the time? I chalked it up as Crystal exaggerating, she probably heard him mention my name once and took it the wrong way.