Finding Freedom | Kylo Ren X Reader

Chapter Ten

For the rest of the afternoon you sat on the floor with Lucy in the living room, going over each and every word Kylo had said to you that day. Lucy oohed and aahed over the few toys that you waved in front of her face, the few toys that Kylo had sent home for her. A small dragon rattle, a porg plushie, a medium sized purple bouncy ball, and three different books that you read to her every day. You thought she needed more, along with more clothes than the five onesies and three footie pajamas you had been given when she was born. You meant to ask Kylo about these things today since she was growing so quickly, but understandably you had more to worry about now. You dropped the rattle and took her little ankles into your hands as you once again went over the conversation in your mind, peddling her legs as you tried to make sense of what he said. Love. Death. Fear. Danger. All amongst panic and uncertainty. You didn't understand what Kylo's issue was. You just wished with all of your might that he would open up to you and let you help him.

Lucille squealed on the floor there in front of you, directing your attention to her instead of your sad thoughts. She held her arms out to you as you let go of her legs, opened and closed her mouth like she was trying to laugh and smile at you. She was so precious, so innocent during this war between you and her father. You felt like you were doing her a disservice being so down. Kylo could be your rock, but you were her rock and you had to be there for her.

"What's the matter, cutie?" You asked her, leaning down and placing a kiss upon her little nose. "You heard your daddy. He said he was going to take care of you." You tried to make that your main focus, that he loved the two of you and he wanted to keep you safe, but couldn't get past the fact that he wanted to keep you safe from himself. What did that even mean? You had no answers and it was stressing you out, and you didn't know where to go from here. You scooped her up from the floor and began to carry her up the stairs. Perhaps now she would be up to sleeping, because that's all you felt like you could do at the moment.

You thought rolling Lucy up and down the upstairs halls in her newborn bassinet would yield the nap you were looking for. Using the black blanket from her birthday you swaddled her tight just as she liked it, then gently placed her down into her bassinet. She whined, knowing that when she was placed in her enclosure that meant she had to sleep, but you didn't care. You were exhausted and needed to rest. "I know, pretty girl." You said, slipping her hat over her precious little head. "But we both need a nap. You'll feel better when you wake up, I promise." She continued to wail, to ignore you by closing her eyes and trying to break free from her restraints. "Here, your mommy will push you around just like you like. You'll be asleep in no time." You said, unlocking the wheels and beginning to push her out of the bedroom.

She finally began to calm as you began your daily ritual of rolling her throughout the halls. Her eyes drooped and you smiled down at her, sweeping your eyes up and down her swaddled body. Your smile quickly began to fade as you realized something was amiss, something that you had no control over, yet something that you should have expected to happen sooner or later. Lucy was beginning to outgrow her bassinet, and she'd have nowhere to sleep when she was too big for it. You grimaced at the discovery. These things were made for newborns, not for Lucy who was growing just fine. Just as Lucy's eyes had shut for good you decided this would be something you'd need to bring up with Kylo, no matter what kind of mood he was in. You stopped for a minute just to be sure she would stay asleep, and when she lay still and breathing evenly you turned the bassinet around and carted her back to your room. You pushed her next to your side of the bed and squat down in order to pull the box of trinkets your medical team had given you when Lucy was born. This box held her bath essentials as well as diapers, wipes, a comb, and brush, among a few other bits and pieces. She never took a pacifier so you stored them here, and the sucking bulb didn't get used so you stored it there as well. You figured she would need a bath and some clean clothes when she woke up, so you opted to get everything ready before you had to do it with a crying baby in your arms.