Finding Freedom | Kylo Ren X Reader

Chapter Nine

Content warning: Past abuse, PTSD and panic attacks.

Kylo tried to keep himself together as he dashed away from the offices and sped-walked down the hall, trying to keep the illusion that he was calm and collected. He didn't know how good of a job he was doing, given the fact that his breathing was not under control and he was practically pushing people out of his way the entire time he was all but barreling down the hall. The threat, although coming from the General that was below him, was all too real. He knew a threat to his and his family's safety could come from anyone, and he knew Hux was sly enough to do such a disturbing thing. His thoughts were unrestrained as he barged into a bathroom and locked the door with the Force. He was alone. He was afraid. He was vulnerable.

Hux wanted his throne and he had just threatened the lives of the people that meant the most to Kylo. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together and come up with the conclusion that, in order to get what he wants, Hux could potentially eliminate Kylo's family. All because someone ran their mouth when Kylo demanded that the birth of his child were to remain a secret. His greatest fear had officially come true only a month after Lucille was born. This was why he fought himself on bringing the girl home with him in the first place. This is why he didn't want his daughter to be born. This is why he didn't want to be a father. This is exactly why he didn't want to bring a child into the world. Because now he would no longer be the most wanted person in the galaxy. His enemies would hit him where it hurts, his enemies would bypass him and go straight to his daughter and her mother in order to hurt him. It's exactly what Snoke did years ago to ignite his anger and hatred, to train him to be a better ruler. It was a feeling he never wanted to experience ever again.

"Fleur...Fleur!" He cried out in agony, finally starting to choke up. She was dead because of him. She was killed with Kylo's own saber, with his own hand under the influence of Snoke because he felt Kylo was too "soft." Too "distracted." Too "happy." Snoke thought Kylo was unable to fulfill his destiny that his grandfather had set up for him, all because of Fleur, the little woman from the bar onboard the Finalizer that Kylo fell in love with. Snoke then forced Kylo to carry her body to the incinerator, then he had to watch as she turned into ash and dust.

"You will not be swayed by the light again. Am I clear?" Snoke whispered in his ear, placing his hand upon his shoulder. He stared at the distorted reflection of his master in the incinerator, and Kylo realized that Snoke had won. He was consumed by his rage and hatred, just as Snoke intended. Kylo shook as his uncontrollable emotions began to take over, and when the tears slipped down his face it only took a second before Snoke had backhanded him so hard he went flying across the room, hitting the wall with a bone-chilling thud. Kylo was hurting physically now, but the emotional turmoil he was facing hurt more than anything.

He could hear Snoke's footsteps advancing toward him, and he would have done anything to just simply disappear. This had been his life ever since he agreed to be trained under Snoke. He always had the power. He always had the drive to make Kylo as miserable as he possibly could. Let the hate flow through you. He would say to him, and he would continue to bring Kylo down as far as he possibly could.

"Tears. You are weak. Just like the Skywalker you are." Snoke said, placing the tip of his boot upon Kylo's face and smearing his tears away while depositing dirt and dust upon his cheek. "There is no room for romance in your path to greatness. You'll thank me when you've fulfilled your destiny. Just as Vader intended." Snoke sneered, removing his boot from his face so quickly that Kylo flinched. Kylo watched as Snoke simply disappeared, leaving him alone with the hellish machine that rumbled off in the distance. Kylo knew no better. He trusted that Snoke really did had his best intentions in mind, and over the next few years he actually convinced himself that loving Fleur was wrong. His end goal, to rule the entire galaxy, left no room for love. He had been a fool to believe he could share the glory with anyone.