The Flower that Grew

Cancerous

A feeling inside the whole body something pulling you down making everything seem heavy. Your emotionally cancerous ill to your brain. Insane but trying to let the triggers fade you'd rather be able to pull the trigger than to allow the man standing behind you. You can feel his breath although he's five feet away. You can smell him even if he's not even there, and you see him when you lay your head down to fade into slubber but he is always there even just in your head. Your cancerous and push others away thinking you got some kind of illness that anything you do they'll vanish or never return. You don't understand what's it like to ever feel like any other girl 'normal' not a word used to describe you. Your destructive to yourself and those around you. Fatally you annihilate anyone who comes close to you. Every single emotion that is normal to have you feel like their so  forgein you bottle them and don't allow yourself to feel em' afraid of what it all of them may be capable of. You don't like crying or you find it hard to do in your life all you were able to do was be like Alice falling into the rabbit hole down and down you go swimming in a salty ocean of your own tears. No a peep or sound was to come from your lips; so you grew to think be silent and you would be safe. But now you find it hard to speak you always seem to turn away or become invisible you try just not to answer the nagging question that you can't allow even yourself to ask, 'Are you okay'. Cuz' no outwardly you may seem your sane but constantly you're never fine. You speak to your conscience pretty much every second of the day, seems like it's only been your real friend on the daily saving you from more than you could fathom. Just you and your psyche all of it driving you insane you feel like your body is cancer and don't want anyone to touch you or be close to you in anyway afraid that your ever so constant sadness will flow their way. You wish on no one a life you've lived. You don't want anymore triggers to pull you away. So you cock your gun and ready your aim deep breath you say; 'Everythings going to be okay'. You sigh as you pull the trigger fading away crying on a shoulder someone that you wish was always there and feel blessed for today for they mend you, care for you, protect you, and love you. Slowly your memories may not fade but they do become distant no longer causing you pain. Was cancerous but radiated the pain.