aeon

five

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should i have let jane, the mother of my unborn child, climb up on a ladder in the future nursery? it probably wasn't the best idea. she was only about nine weeks along, but ze wouldn't wait to prepare things for their arrival. i tried to talk her out of climbing the wobbly, wooden steps, and i even picked her up and carried her out of the room and closed the door. alas, her stubbornness prevailed and she squeezed by me and back into the room and up the ladder. i had my hands near her body, in case her clumsiness overtook her and lead her to fall.

she laughed at my worry, and continued planning the decor from up above. with the sunlight streaming in from the window, jane had resembled an angel. there were rays of sunlight peeking from behind her head, and i almost felt unworthy of admiring her. it casted a glow around her, and she truly seemed to be sent from above.

"are you still going to fuss and worry over me when the baby comes, or are you going to forget about me?" she was holding up paint samples and closing one eye, furthering her imagination of what the room would look like doused in the shade chosen. she kept going back to a pale orange swatch named sundance butterfly, so i already predicted that would be her final decision.

i wondered what her vision for the space was. i thought about how she must have a mental image laid out, like a blueprint, and she only need to fill in the missing pieces. "forget about you? love, you're carrying the little one and will share my worry and fussing equally for as long as i'm alive." she glanced down at me with a grin, then stepped off of the ladder and against my body with her arms around my torso.

i wasn't sure if the warmth was coming from the direct sunlight piercing the room, or from the radiating body heat of the woman i loved. regardless of the source, i found myself addicted to it. "we're really doing this, huh? having a baby."

i laughs at her question. it was as if it were a newfound revelation that suddenly smacked her in the face. in a way, i too hadn't processed the entire concept of creating a bundle of love with jane. the fact that she would get big and swollen, and have strange cravings at strange hours didn't yet cross my mind, but when it had, my excitement in only transpired into complete and utter elation. "it seems so, jane." and even when her body was no longer pressed against mine, and she was on the opposite side of the room, the warmth had managed to linger.

i was laying across the couch while she showered before our pizza was delivered, and the television was on but my attention was elsewhere. i saw the actors in a blurry frenzy and their voices weren't quite reaching my mind. i couldn't believe how amazing my life was at that very moment. then the pizza came and jane was joining me in the living room, and it was all confirmed.

she was giggling at the movie playing while biting into a slice of pizza. her skin was fresh, her attire comfortable, her smile only growing. she smiled so much i sometimes wondered if it was a habit she couldn't break, but then i considered myself. around her i was constantly smiling, but it wasn't a habit. it was simply an immediate reaction to being in her presence. i suppose it was a reaction for her as well, and that thought was what i sought comfort in.

she was sat on the floor, always preferring it when eating in the living room. her knees were bounced up, and so was her large t-shirt, which really was mine but she had officially taken it hostage into her own possession. i wasn't sure if she realized that her hand kept reaching for a new slice of pizza whenever the one in between her fingers was moving along to her stomach. she consumed most of the box, and i found it amusing how such a small woman could beat me in a pizza eating contest any day. it was the purest talent i witnessed, and she made the crumbs adoring her shirt and the edges around her mouth look damn good.

it was late while we laid in bed, light absent from our bedroom. i was laying my head upon her chest, hearing the steady rhythm of her heartbeat while she played with my hair mindlessly. i was about to fall asleep before her voice broke the silence, "if we're having a girl, you can name her. but if we have a boy, we're naming him william." i instantly loves the idea of naming our child in remembrance of her beloved brother. "but i don't want to know the sex. i want to be surprised." i couldn't agree to everything fast enough, and she began stroking my cheek gently with the back of her hand.

my fingers began dancing along her abdomen, wondering what i was like for jane to have each step of our child's growth occur within her body. i felt the steady rise and fall of her chest, and knew she had fallen asleep with her fingers intertwined in my locks. that was all i could have hoped for in the moment.

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