~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: *Pulls up to a drive-through* So, what do you want to drink?
Crowley: Hot fudge sundae.
Aziraphale: But that's not a dri--
Crowley: HOT FUDGE SUNDAE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Sitting alone in silence*
Crowley: George Washington never knew about the dinosaurs.
Aziraphale: What?
Crowley: The first dino was classified like twenty-three years after he died.
Aziraphale: ...
Crowley: IT WAS TWENTY YEARS AFTER HE DIED. WASHINGTON NEVER KNEWWWWWWWWWW
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam: My dog falls down when I point at her so I started snapping whenever I did so and now it looks like I'm pretending to shoot her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*In the middle of the night*
Crowley: How can you sleep knowing that somewhere out there is the perfect meme?
Aziraphale: ...
Crowley: What if you used psychic paper to create the perfect meme?
Aziraphale: ...
Crowley: Now I'm imagining the Doctor holding up psychic paper and someone laughing and asking why they were showing them a meme and the Doctor is just confused.
Aziraphale: ...
Crowley: I saw Newton at the store yesterday.
Aziraphale: ...
Crowley: Frank Turner is a funny musician because half of his music is like angry Irish rock and the other is gentle pop music and stuff.
Aziraphale: ...
Crowley: Jason Mraz lives on an avocado farm.
Aziraphale: ...
Crowley: When a sticker loses its stickiness, is it just an "er"?
Aziraphale: ...
Crowley: What if there was a color-changing house paint that was temperature related? That would be cool. Like the house is yellow when it's warm and slowly becomes blue as it gets colder.
Aziraphale: ...
Crowley: It sounded like the house just sneezed.
Aziraphale: As interesting as that all was, Crowley, shouldn't you be asleep?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Warlock: Let's play a game called "How Many SNL Skits Can I Watch In One Night"!
Adam: Depends if you're sleeping or not.
Warlock: ... Naw.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: Do kids still say "yeet"? They do? Okay. Yeast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: I need a BETTER big head!
Anathema: I just saw you and you were your normal calm self. What happened?
Aziraphale: Crowley.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: Say there was a spork, and on the fork side, one of the prongs had a knife edge. Would it be called a sporf or a spork-nif?
Crowley: I broke Aziraphale.
Aziraphale: I wouldn't doubt it. But please answer, this is actually a huge debate between everyone in Heaven. It's a problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pepper: Imagine in the future when they figure out how to print organs. We'll all be old and saying, "Kids these days. So unappreciative. Back in my day, do you know how many we would kill to get organs?" and the kid would respond, "But organs are prone to cancer!" and we'd reply, "We were prone to dying!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shadwell: I punched a gingerbread house.
Crowley: I HAVE A BRA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: I ate mysterious snow and had hellish visions in fallen London.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: I became friends with a battle-hardened squid sailor and now we're solving a mystery together.
Crowley: I am the squid.
Aziraphale: My bad, they're a mushroom, not a squid.
Crowley: I'm still the squid.
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Incorrect Good Omens Quotes
ΤυχαίοRankings: 2 in #adamyoung on 10/15/2019 6 in #anthonyjcrowley on 9/30/2019 9 in #beelzebub on 10/31/2019 40 in #goodomens on 9/30/2019 Incorrect quotes inspired by Good Omens! Every quote is something someone said that I know personally unless other...
