"Momma don't say that, you can. You always loved me, nothings changed."
"Toni you laid up in here had sex with a woman, then I come in you hard down kissing a woman. If you was in my shoes how would you view it?"
"I know I wouldn't call my daughter a disgrace and tell her I couldn't love her because of who she's become. I'd tell her if you're happy, I'm glad. I love you all the same, and I'll love you even more for being confident and realizing who you are. Love who you love, long as they love you back. But I guess we're built different." She ended up catching me off guard, I held my cheek at the stinging sensation. I knew sooner or later she was gone get me.
"How dare you speak about it, telling a child anything when you going with a woman, won't be able to give me grandkids."
"I can always give you grandkids. Insemination , adoption, even a surrogate. Either way momma you could have grandkids. What's the real deal, you seen her and you can't say she's ugly. There's a lot about her that would prove that she could treat me better than any man I may come across. Am I so much of a disgrace that you can't even see passed it and remember you pushed my fat ass out. That you can't even remember telling me you loved me and would never leave me no matter what?"
"I don't want you to be with another woman Toni, I mean it. It's just disgusting, makes me sick."
"Ion see you throwing up if it's makes you sick. Once again it's my life momma rather you like it or not, it might be her but ima end up with a woman and regardless at the end of the day your gonna remember that you gave up on me despite I was your daughter, first born. You're gonna remember that you turned your back on me, called me a disgrace, disgusting. It's gone hit you when my sisters ask what happened to me. What are you gonna answer with? You right I have to answer to god at the end of it all but in this moment of life you gotta answer to the rest of my sisters. Trina Towanda and Traci. Yea, tell them how you disowned me because of who I am. Tell em you couldn't accept the fact that I love who I love. Tell em how I'm a disgrace and disgust you, so much that you can't love me anymore. Please tell em and make it make sense cause they ain't stupid." She struck again catching my other cheek.
"How dare you take that tone with me! Get out!"
"Uh Uh momma, you're in my house. But I don't have the heart to tell you to get out so whenever you're ready you can leave, I'm going to finish my work. Feel free to anything in the kitchen if you get hungry. Tamar! I'm leaving, if you leave make sure to lock up."
"Ok Toni, Love you."
"Love you too."
"I don't see how you can."
"The same way that I unconditionally love you, even if you don't love me." I grabbed my bags getting into my car heading to Janet's house for the rest of the night.
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"I thought you weren't gonna make here for a moment there." I let her in as her bags indicated to me that she was staying the night.
"Yea, so let's get started. Mind if I stay the night?"
"I don't mind at all."
"Where's ya guest room so I can sit my stuff down."
"Guess room I have three just pick one, but why? You can sleep with me I don't bite." I grabbed her bag sitting it in my room for the moment .
"You sure?"
"I'm positive, come on let's finish so we can go to sleep. I haven't gotten any of that at all these last two days."
"And who fault is that."
"Mines, I know. Toni a body like that just you just can't hit and quit. Ya gotta keep going til ya can't no more."
"Cus byeeee, seriously come on let's finish." We sat down as we took out our books documenting our data in log.
"So what happened?"
"See these." She turned to show me her cheek that had a red tint, which I didn't even notice at first.
"She hit you?"
"Them church ladies will not play in situations like these." She said with a small laugh
"I see, you ok?"
"Yea it just been awhile since I felt her hand sting across my face."
"She ain like it at all, I could tell when she watched me walk out the door. Thought she was putting some spell on me it something. Want some ice, I'd hate for it to leave a bruise on that beautiful face." I touched her face gently making sure not to cause anymore pain.
She gave me a weak smile. "I'm ok trust me, I've dealt with worse."
"So what was said if you mind me asking?"
"Well I guess something along the lines of that I was a disgrace, disgusting. That she couldn't love me because I loved you. Basically disowned me all because I'm attracted to a female."
"I'm sorry about that, really I am."
"It's not your fault at all, but let's forget about it. Ion wanna think about it, let's just finish this."
"It can wait, come here. I wanna make sure you ok." I pulled her into me.
"Toni if at anytime you don't want to go through with this it'll be fine with me."
"No! I mean uh I'm cool with where I'm at right now. I don't care, finally for once I can be who I really am without hiding it from anyone and if she don't like it well that's her problem. I'll always love her rather she loves me or not."
"You are really lovable you know that?"
"Am I really?"
"Yea, and that's what I wanna do love you."
"Well how bout you love on me, take my mind away from what just happened. Make me forget all about it, ion wanna think about it no more." I laid her back kissing her as her hands rise up to take my shirt off.
