I Am the One [Next to Normal] // louis&harry

P r o l o g u e

It was raining that day; if Harry didn't blame himself so much then he would probably blame the rain. If you were to ask Niall, he would tell you that rainy days are the worst for Harry. Of course, Harry thinks they're the best. That's when Louis is so clear, he tells the boys. He asks how they can't see their friend, because he's so there. Sometimes Zayn pretends that Louis is there because it makes Harry so happy when he doesn't feel crazy. It also keeps him from getting angry and throwing himself in his room.

Harry goes to his appointments with his arm slightly stretched out, his hand almost in a fist as if he's holding onto something. Liam waits out in the car and sighs as one of his best friends loses his grip on reality and holds on tighter to his lover's hand. He wonders if Harry can really feel Louis or if the boy just pretends, knowing that the second he admits that something could be wrong- that's when Louis gets upset. At least, that's what Harry told them.

That was the first time Harry admitted that Louis wasn't real. Even then, he wasn't really looking directly at either of the three boys, almost as if he was telling Louis. But why would he tell Louis that? Neither of them got the chance to ask before Harry stormed off to his bedroom, the one that he used to share with Louis. They could hear him shouting and screaming, and even heard the sound of something hitting the wall. The next time they saw Harry, he was crouched against the wall crying. His "special doctor" ended up having to change his medication.

The medication is another thing that the boys, even Harry, have had trouble getting used to. Seeing the once lively boy swallowing countless pills every day is strange. The side effects have always been pretty tough on Harry; mood swings, sweating, numbness, vomiting, and more. It's hard for anyone to help, when Harry rarely lets anyone in anymore. Another thing that nobody has really figured out an explanation for.

It's weird thinking about who Harry was before Louis' death. He was energetic and funny, and he made everyone feel special and cared about. Now he rarely smiles and when he does, it's for someone who isn't actually there. Harry isn't the only one who has changed though. Niall doesn't laugh as much and Zayn doesn't draw like he used to, with his silly cartoon characters and eccentric patterns. It seems the one who changed the least is Liam, but that's because Liam pretends that Louis never existed.

Everything is really just fucked up.

Louis feels bad, he really does. When he asks Harry to hold him, he feels a pang in his unmoving chest as he sees Liam's face fall. Of course, he kind of hates Liam. He actually hates everyone for ignoring him, except for Harry obviously. But even Harry is under the impression that Louis needs to leave, another reason Louis hates the other boys now. He can't lose Harry, the only person he has left. He refuses to let go, and he knows that the boy he fell for so long ago feels the same.

"I love you, Lou."

"I love you, too. I'll always love you, Harry."