I invited him to come and have nachos. After messaging him again on Instagram he was happy to come out. He told me to pick him up from the park- not weird at all. This is the second time I have picked him up from that area. His explanation was "I will be near there". Maybe he lives there I do not know. All took place on 20/12/2019.
After picking him up he said I don't want to go for nachos as I had them yesterday. I said you should have mentioned it before. I could've gone with my sister. He said you can go later and get it as a takeout. I said never mind- where are we going? He said let's go for a walk. I said ok. I drove us to the park where I had previously been with him. We started walking and went towards the water area- he decided to hug me from behind and then he turned me around where he could have control. I moved away and said no! he continued to pull me closer. He tried to kiss me although I kept moving my face away and said no, I don't want to. He ignored what I was saying. He pulled me closer and tighter and lifted me up against the wall. He kissed me and I didn't want to. At some point I did kiss him back and it went on for a while. He said his fantasy was to pull me against the wall and kiss me. He moved my hands above my head and kissed me hard. I did not feel anything, but he was ready for the next part. At this point my heart was already broken from the last time when he cut me off after I was honest and told him I was a virgin and my intentions were not to have sex with him. He said it was fine but still tried it. He thought it was hot to push me against the wall and kiss me passionately, but I felt upset because I wanted to change his perception of me especially that I was different from other women. He pulled my legs towards his shoulders as he wanted to see how flexible I was. I told him to let me down, but he put his hands up my back and untied my bra. He wanted to give me stomach kisses. I didn't want sex from him, but I know he wanted it. When I got down, we walked towards my car, but he wanted a kiss again. I gave him a peck and he gripped me again and kissed me passionately where he picked me up. He put me on the bench and moved closer as he was about to "explode". He must have cum because he said let's sleep. He became tired from it. He pulled me up from there and we headed towards my car.
I wanted to go for a walk after, but he didn't want to, I knew from that point on his view of me will never change despite not having sex with him.
He messaged me after saying he did not want us to meet up anymore as he didn't feel comfy.
To be honest- I was expecting him to let me down again, to say something along those lines. I asked him if I could get an explanation and any future tips? He said there is none and it's odd. I asked if I could know what his intentions were? He said let's leave it where it is please- take care and bye. I did not reply.
Maybe I allowed him to treat me like that. If I had ignored him or played the game better. Lesson learnt. I only ever wanted the best for him.
I never really knew where I stood with him and felt like I was walking on eggshells. He never really wanted to get to know the real me and it did make me think as he said my fantasy for a long time had been to push you against the wall and kiss you. He said this after my first date. I did not think he was literal about it. Even the replies in person they were all riddles. Nothing made sense. I was left in the dark- my original gut feeling was he was leading me on. He would even leave me on read. Never go into detail and he also said if the convo gets too personal, he will change the subject- I should have realised from then that I was not going to get anything from him. This is odd and shady. Other women he follows unfollow him after a while then follow him back, probably when he shows interest again.
I won't ever forget his flesh smell. It was different and amazing. The only guy I have ever been this close with. I even accepted him farting in my car which I would have been disgusted by if it had been anyone else. He felt right because we were physically compatible, I could have opened up emotionally, but I felt there was a blockage. He was tall, had clean alluring look, good looking, a good job, highly attractive and unique to me. If only he had opened to me things would have been better.
This is the end of us Mr K or is it?
Maybe one day in my life- if he returns, we will be together alternatively I just want his baby, probably a baby boy whom will have his nose, soft skin, eyelashes, height and everything else. If I can't have him because the universe has said, we don't align. At least can I have a part of him. No strings attached- no commitment, no long-term marriage. None of it!
