MATT THE RADAR TECHNICIAN SKIT CONTINUED

Scene 2

Scene 2

Matt walks into a room where all the officers sit at a round table. They look at him and frown.

MATT: Hi I'm Matt. I'm a radar technician. I'm just going to stand here on the side and make sure everything is functioning properly.

OFFICER 1: *raises eyebrow* A radar technician?

OFFICER 2: Everything seems to be functioning properly Matt...except you.

All the officers laugh as Matt grinds his teeth.

OFFICER 3: You can leave Matt, we have no radars here that need fixing.

MATT: *mumbles* I'll fix you alright.

OFFICER 3: What did you just say?

MATT: Kylo Ren told me to observe your meeting while he's gone.

OFFICER 3: Where is Kylo Ren?

MATT: The bathroom.

All the officers glance at each other and then back at Matt.

Camera pans to Officers 1, 2, and 3 sitting next to each other in chairs in interview fashion.

OFFICER 1: He's not a technician.

OFFICER 3: No shit it's Kylo Re-

OFFICER 2: I think Kylo Ren's having an affair.

OFFICER 1: With who? Why?

OFFICER 2: This is the second meeting he's blown off, he's probably banging that girl we captured one time.

OFFICER 1: The scavenger?

OFFICER 2: Yeah.

OFFICER 3: *facepalms*

Camera returns to Matt standing in the corner as the officers start their meeting.

OFFICER 5: So starkiller base has the power to destroy multiple planets.

OFFICER 1: No shit Sherlock

OFFICER 5: *glares at Office 1 and clears throat* So the question is which star systems should we destroy first to best bring fear to the galaxy?

OFFICER 2: You should do Haruun Kal.

OFFICER 5: Because?

OFFICER 2: Because my ex-husband lives there.

OFFICER 5: Okay, any other suggestions?

OFFICER 6: Tatooine.

OFFICER 5: Again why? Give me reasons folks not just names!

OFFICER 6: That's where Luke Skywalker lived, and Anakin Skywalker before he became the great Sith Lord.

MATT: I don't think we should destroy it. We should honor Darth Vader's origin.

OFFICER 1: Shut up Matt you're just a technician.

OFFICER 3: *whispers to himself* We are so dead.

MATT: *clenches fist* I just think that Kylo Ren wouldn't like it you destroyed his grandfather's home planet.

OFFICER 2: What's he gonna do about it? He's not here.

OFFICER 3: *facepalms*

MATT: *force chokes officer 2 and 1 with his hands close to his legs* Oh look the ghost of Darth Vader is hurting them. Maybe we shouldn't destroy Tatooine.

Matt lets go of officers 1 & 2. They gasp for breath as the rest of the officers stare at Ben.

OFFICER 5: Okay so no Tatooine...any s-suggestions Matt?

Camera pans to interview session with Officer 5.

OFFICER 5: I'm 99.9% sure that's Kylo Ren.

INTERVIEWER: What about the 0.1 percent?

OFFICER 5: It could also be the ghost of Darth Vader possessing the radar technician.

Camera returns to meeting where the officers await Matt's response.

MATT: We should destroy Jakku.

OFFICER 5: Mind if I ask why?

MATT: It's literal trash. LIKE YOU!