Should I Stay

Middle Earth; Third Age 2002

Detached, I fell through the darkness... No, fell was not the word. I was encased by it, for it was all around, holding clarity just out of reach. It had nearly latched onto me, but I would have to take its hand. Tentatively, I reached out, for it seemed so welcoming, so peaceful; however, something held me back. I was incognizant to understand what, all that existed was the dark--but then I remembered. The light. The light dawdled around me, my back being turned turned to it. I severed my tie to the shadow realm and drifted towards light, if even for a moment, for I felt that something--someone?--needed me.

My eyes slowly opened as I teetered on the edge of consciousness. There was light, but it was an imitation, nothing like the one I had walked towards. I knew the source of the light had been in this direction... It was not long until my confusion was brought to an end. My blurry gaze managed to focus in brief intervals and I saw an elf that looked strikingly like myself. His eyes were more icy, like a frost laced sky that the sun was only barely glimpsed beneath. I knew there was compassion just under the surface of the ice, for this elf was familiar to me. He was Thranduil, son of Oropher, king of what our people called Greenwood the Great. Adar. My father.

I was Legolas, his only son and heir and I had been following his orders, away on patrol... My own thoughts contradicted me. Mostly following orders, for had I not forced the Captain into allowing me to go on patrol of the more dangerous southern border of Greenwood?--Mirkwood, as it was better known in days since the shadow fell. My impotence. It was on patrol that I had sustained the wound that had rendered me here, helpless, but this time I knew I might not get another chance.

This time I could die... yet still I would not have chosen differently.

My adar did not see my eyes flutter open, one hand resting upon my brow, a finger caressing my cheek whilst his other hand clasped mine. His eyes were down, our gazes not connecting, though I wished they had just so I could offer him some small comfort. Despite this reservation I saw something wet on my adar's cheek and his eyes glistened. I knew not why, for there appeared to be no cause--then I realized: they were tears.

For me.

Again, my eyes became heavy and darkness encompassed me as my eyes drifted shut. I struggled to sort through my thoughts as they assaulted me, all concerning what I had only just witnessed: my adar--a stoic king, known in other lands as hard and cruel, but to me loving and kind--crying. It was an unfamiliar sight, rarely if ever having been witnessed by myself.

But what did it matter? Darkness had come back and it fought to smother the light. I began to slip into peaceful oblivion, my last thought being how I wished my adar could know how much I loved him, but I had no reason to stay. I breathed out--and did not inhale again.

Darkness as I had never known crept upon me whilst I did not attempt to breathe. This time I truly was falling, falling, falling, away from light and into dark, to the Halls of Mandos, towards death--but someone squeezed my hand

And

I

Stopped.

There was an essence in that touch that conveyed something. It was through a haze that the emotions reached me and as I felt them a question arose in my mind: Should I stay?

Whoever it was that squeezed my hand spoke, and I ignored the pain that full awareness brought, just managing to listen. The words were echoey and distant, but they fell on ears that were not yet deaf. "Saes, little leaf, stay. I cannot lose you as I lost your naneth... You are all I have left. The healers tell me you will leave soon, but I am begging you--don't! You are too precious... Saes, little leaf... I need you here... I love you... Stay."