Time Gaps

Be Specific

Be careful what you wish for because the universe is listening. You might get what you ask for but it might be misinterpreted. If I had known I could have been specific about what my wishes.

I had been so bored with my life. Being unemployed for two years have been driving me crazy. I was longing for a change. I wanted to see new places, smell new scents, touch new textures, hear different and experience things to spice up my life.

On November 22nd, 2019 I went through the most excruciating pain in my life. Near death is totally hard to describe. They say pain is pain. I disagree. There are stages of pain and mine was the highest level. I experienced being on a stretcher and being carried in an ambulance for the first time. The trip inside an MRI was definitely a distinct kind of claustrophobia.

I had my first general anesthesia and my first surgery. Ten days in the Intensive Care Unit was such an agonizing and unforgettable experience I wish never to go through again. Four intravenous tubes were pierced into each of my arms. There were no more spaces left on my arms that the doctor pierced a hole on my right chest to insert another tube. I have never had wounds this many before.

Insomnia has been a cause of exhaustion and paranoia for me since I was a teenager. Having no sleep for ten days surely made me a whiny loud paranoid that I yelled, screamed, sang loudly and cried till the three nurses in the ICU want to euthanize me. How could I sleep when the blood pressure machine squeezed my left arm twice an hour? How could I sleep when the nurse regularly inject an acidic fiery liquid in my IV?

Surely it was the drugs that made me hysterical. Lack of sleep definitely drove me clinically crazy. I have always wished to be one day fluent in Korean that I wouldn't get into trouble conveying my thoughts and guess what? Ten days in the ICU arguing with Korean nurses and doctors without an interpreter made so fluent I can pass my Korean citizenship test again with flying colors.