Time Gaps

Ten Percent

I thought Thor hit the back of my head with his hammer. You know, Thor, the god of thunder played by the amazing Chris Hemsworth in The Avengers. The first hit, I felt my skull shattered. The second hit was worse. The third left me unconscious.

Luckily, my husband decided to walk the dogs with me that cold November morning. He was working that night and I told him to sleep more.

"I'm not sleepy. I want some fresh air. I want to walk Kimchee and Kimpap with you."

My head had been aching since Tuesday morning. My right temple had been throbbing with pain but so far had been enduring it. I did not take any pain relievers or other drugs to get rid of the headaches.

The worst headaches of my life hit me that Friday morning. My husband was holding our poodle Kimpap. I was holding our shitzu Maltese Kimchee. Our dog Kimchee always takes her time to poop. She knows that if she poops early, we will go home early. We walked around Yulmok Park taking our usual route. When we reached the Yulmok Library, my headache worsened.

"Let's sit for a while," I told my husband as I walked toward a bench next to a big tree.

I was about to sit on the bench when Thor came zooming like lightning behind me and hit the back of skull with his powerful hammer. I saw ripples of nuclear energy emanating from my skull like how waves ripple when you throw a tiny rock in a pond.

I am dying. This is death. This is it. Unexpected. Sudden death like I have always wished for.

Blackout. Ambulance. A paramedic unzipped my winter jacket and paused. I was wearing my bra over my shirt. Well, I get sweaty under my boobies. The male paramedic cut both bra and shirt with scissors. Blackout. MRI. Blackout. Anesthesia. Surgery. Coma.

About 30% of people who get aneurysms die instantly. Around 30% die in the ambulance and another 30% die during surgery. Only 10% survives. Am I worthy to be in that small percentile? Will I survive without permanent damage? Will I be the same again?

Is this the moment when the ghosts of my dead father, grandparents, aunts and uncles appear? Will I see a bright light? Will I see the body of the baby my soul will reincarnate into? Is this it? Forty-three years in this lifetime? Only forty-three?