Nine Months, Twelve Days (Whouffle fanfic)

Suffering

No one, she had decided, liked looking at themselves in the mirror. No one wanted to see what they were really like, to see the pain and the emotion and the imposters that everyone was around people they were not close with. Clara was certain that the Doctor probably knew this about himself, and maybe that's why he liked her. Either way, Clara knew that at this point, she could not live without traveling and the Doctor. She was in way too deep.

Clara collapsed back down on the bed, quickly pulling herself under the covers and began falling asleep when she felt the Doctor slide under the covers next to her. He rolled over, and whispered something that she couldn't quite understand.

Clara hummed something in response, making it sound like she had understood what he had said. The Doctor reached at and grabbed her hand, then dropped it. Clara looked up at the Doctor quizzically, reaching out for his hand again, but he shrunk away from her touch. Clara tried not to let a look of hurt flash across her face as she propped herself up on her elbow, watching as he mirrored her movements.

"Clara, are you happy here?" he asked her, staring into her soul with his sad, old eyes. She hated when he did that. It made her heart melt and cry out for him, wishing she could absorb all of his pain.

"Of course I am," she said, staring right back at him.

"Are you sure? Clara, all I need is for you to be happy," he pleaded with her, but over what, Clara wasn't sure.

"Doctor, I am happy! What's all of this about?"

"If you're so happy, then why were you crying earlier? I was down stairs, doing dishes, and I heard you sobbing...sobbing harder and more painfully than I have ever heard in my life."

"Doctor, that wasn't me. I was asleep."

"Well it wasn't me," he said, sitting up.

Just then, something pierced the night like a knife digging into skin. Clara shushed the Doctor, who had begun to ramble out loud. Clara jumped out of bed and threw open the window, letting the sound invade their bedroom, causing Clara to visibly cringe. The Doctor nodded, confirming to Clara that was what he had heard.

Clara ran downstairs and into the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the light as she walked up to the window and opened up the curtains that covered it. She put her hand over her mouth as she saw what was making the noise: a distorted, disformed, slightly humanoid figure that was in the house directly adjacent to hers. She saw someone walk up beside the figure carrying something, and then she saw the outline of Judy's very poofy hair. So the sobber was Hank.

The Doctor made his way down to the kitchen, and gasped when he saw what Clara could not take her eyes off of. Clara heard him and slowly turned around, tears silently streaming down her face. It pained him to see her like this, but he wasn't even sure what she was crying about.

"Clara..."

"Doctor, I agreed to this to help people! Look what we did to Hank....Doctor, we have to fix this. Why can give him back his communicator, we can leave, something. I think it was what kept him human, and now he's in so much pain, and he's suffering," Clara said, in hysterics. "This is not what we do. We help, we don't destroy! But we. Are not. Helping."

"Clara, I brought us here to save the your planet. I would go over there right now and kill that entire family with my bare hands if it meant that I could save your life and save everybody else's on this goddamn planet," he said, grabbing her shoulders, trying to wrench her away and back stairs.

Clara shrugged him off, continuing, "This sounds stupid, but Judy is kind of my friend. And I want to do this without hurting them. Doctor, he does not deserve to be in that kind of pain."

He grabbed her shoulders again, "Clara, go to bed. Just go. Fall asleep, and pretend that noting happened, okay? Because this is not worth you worrying over or crying over. This is what traveling with me is like, making the impossible decisions."

"Stop trying to send me upstairs! And stop treating me like a fucking child. You and I both know that that is bullshit. If you didn't meddle in everything, maybe more people would die, but you wouldn't have to act like you do everything for everyone else. I know that you think you have to, but you don't. Everyone survived way before you came along," Clara yelled, regretting the words as they came out of her mouth.

"Stop acting like a child then! My god, you think that I like doing this? You think I like making you upset, making you cry? I am trying to right my wrongs, to make up for destroying Gallifrey. And maybe I brought it back. But that doesn't mean I have to stop saving people, okay? So fuck you and your opinion because I do what I want to do. And if that is what you think, then you decide whether or not you want to stay with me. I love you, Clara, but sometimes I'm not sure that you love me."

"Of course I love you. I'm sorry...but I cannot stand putting him through that pain. I'll go upstairs if that's what you want. I'll pretend that I didn't just cause that man probably the most painful experience of his life. If that's what you want. But don't think that I'm happy about it," Clara said, pushing past a speechless Doctor and walking up the stairs, slamming the door behind her.

The Doctor pulled his sonic out of his pocket, blocking out the sound so that Clara couldn't hear it. He sulked back up the stairs, and slid back into bed next to Clara. She was right, he was a horrible man. But he was still trying to fix that. And he would, if he could do anything about it. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her shoulder, apologizing, and felt a tear of his own roll down his face and fall off of his chin, watching it as it hit Clara's neck.

She turned around, seeing the pain on his face, and kissed the tears off his cheeks softly apologizing for the things she said but didn't mean. Both were crying, and their tears mixed as they sat in silence, crying and holding each other. Clara was never more sure that she was right where she was meant to be.

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Hey kiddos! So, I think we may be nearing the end of the story. Anyways, thank you all for the comments, and the positive reviews! Never in my life did I expect so many reads, votes, and reviews. Thank you all so much! The fact that you guys get EXCITED when I update (at least that's what you've said) makes me smile :) I hope you all enjoy the rest of the story, and if any of you ever want to PM me or anything, feel free. I would love to get to know all of you more. (In a not weird way.)