Maze of memories

4

A couple of years passed by like that and soon enough I was in my third year of secondary school.

The little group of friends that I had made throughout the years had all left me again in some way or the other.

Some of them moved far away, others I just somehow lost contact with and the rest all just left as soon as they found out about my problems.

By then I had been receiving psychotherapy for a couple of years and was already diagnosed with chronic depression at the age of twelve.

Other than that I got diagnosed with anxiety disorder, borderline, separation anxiety,PTSD and three different eating disorders.

Even though it got better year by year people still don't really seem to understand how much impact a psychological disease can really have.

More often than not people would tell me I was just overreacting or looking for attention.

They would tell me that I just needed to move on and live my life, that it really wasn't that hard.

But the thing is, can you really move on from something that is still happening?

Can you run away from your own mind?

Almost everyday I would go to school just to be beat up.

They would hit me on my back with rulers, throw food or shoot papers and other stuff at me.

I would be called names and everyday they would tell me to just kill myself.

I was worthless anyways so why waste anyone's space.

And you know what, when things like that are said to you daily there comes a time when no matter how hard you fight it you will start to believe them.

So eventually the thoughts about ending my life, which had already been there since I was eight years old started to get more and more prominent.

I became even more scared to be alone, not because of other people but because it was my own mind that made me absolutely terrified.

The voices in my head would never leave me alone and every week I would find another way to commit suicide.

It became harder and harder to control those thought and eventually those ideas ended up as plans, which were executed multiple times throughout the years.

So many people commit suicide every day and while that number keeps growing and suicide victims get younger every year, people still refuse to see how dire this situation really is.

Healthcare is still not available in so many countries and even if it is they really aren't properly equipped to handle the massive amount of psychological patients.

Waiting lists for psychological care range anywhere between two months up to two years,sometimes even longer.

Psychological illness is really still considered as a stigma and is rarely talked about.

This also makes it so that there are still a lot of unknown questions about the different types of psychological illnesses and how to treat them.

Mental health care mostly exists of group therapies and hospitalisations in mental hospitals.

People with different mental illnesses are being put together and receive the same therapy, for some this works for others it doesn't.

In my case I was first admitted to a mental hospital when I was about fourteen years old.

At that time I was admitted as a crisis patiënt for about two to three months.