Think of me

one: it turns out she's gay

Six months earlier

Billie

'I'm gay.'

I didn't know how to react. I was waiting for someone else to say something but no one did.

'I've been experimenting with this amazing girl, she's called Lauren, and I think I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend. But I couldn't do it before telling you first.' My best friend Hailee explained as she fiddled with the strings on her hoodie.

I looked over to my other best friend, Madison, who had her mouth hanging wide open. Looking back to Hailee I could see that she was panicking, her eyes flicking between to two of us.

'Please say something.' She whispered. 'I don't want you to hate me.'

'Are you joking?' I squealed. 'That's amazing!' I threw my hands up in the air and then ran over to her, giving her a huge bear hug.

'Really?' Hailee didn't quite believe us.

'This is so exciting!' Madison ran over to join the hug. 

'Okay, okay.' Hailee said, playfully pushing us off her. 'But seriously, this doesn't change anything does it?' Her concerned facial expression had returned but I put a firm hand on her shoulder. I looked into her worried eyes to show that I was being serious.

'Why would it?' I said. 'You're still you.' I wave of relief washed over Hailee's face and she sighed. Her hands covered her face and her shoulders started to shake lightly.

'Are you okay?' Madison asked, gently pulling Hailee's hands away from her face to reveal glassy eyes and wet cheeks.

'Don't worry, they're happy tears.' Hailee laughed it off. 'It's just that... you don't know how long I've been waiting to tell you guys this. I was just so scared.' She broke down, tears streaming down her face.

Madison and I embraced her in another hug and we sat in that position until Hailee was smiling again.

-

That night I laid on my bed with the duvet tucked right up to my chin. It was winter so my room was freezing. I was wearing a hoodie and my comfiest joggers to bed with my duvet and two blankets on top of me, and I was still cold.

I couldn't sleep so I rolled onto my side and curled into a ball. My mind wondered as I waited for sleep to consume me.

My two best friends' faces popped into my mind.

Hailee, who had come out earlier that day, and Madison, who was there with us too.

Hailee and Madison were truly the polar opposites of each other.

I, on the other hand, often felt like the odd one out. I wasn't stick thin like Hailee and Madison, which sometimes made me feel insecure. I wasn't overweight or anything, but I hated standing next to them in dresses and tight clothing. I had long, black straight hair, probably the feature I loved most about myself. I liked boys, but had never had a boyfriend. That's where I felt lost. I didn't know what I wanted, which is why I wasn't the type to go to a party and make out with loads of guys, unlike Madison. Before every party we went to, I'd get the same comments:

'We're going to find you a man tonight.'

'Don't worry Billie, I know a boy you're going to love.'

'We need to find Billie a boy at the party!'

But that's not what I wanted, I wanted it to be natural. Not like I had my own personal Tinder in the form of my two best friends.