luckless

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"We need to discuss some things, Kate."

"I know." I sighed heavily. We were only in the kitchen. I knew Jared and Paul could hear everything we were saying.

"First of all, like I said on the phone, I'll be trying to come up every month. I'll call you a week before each trip, ok?" I nodded in response. He sighed as well. "And the other thing. Are you with Paul already? I shouldn't be surprised. He was all you talked about for awhile after we got back together. I should've seen you were never over him."

"No, Andy. We're not together. The kids need me, and I'm only going to focus on them. No relationships. Look how well the last one worked out." My eyes bore into him accusingly. He looked annoyed.

"I'm sorry things didn't work out. We both thought they would, right? But we were dumb kids in love. Now Tia and Eli have to pay for it."

"I know. I hoped things would be different for them." Andy looked at me earnestly.

"They deserve someone who's here for them all the time. They don't deserve a father who can only see them once a month. They deserve someone to be their dad every day."

"What are you saying, Andy?" His face was pensive.

"I don't like them being around someone who isn't me, but it's what they need. I can't force them, and you, to not be happy because of me."

"What do you suggest, I mail order a husband?" My sarcasm was dripping. What did he expect me to do?

"Jesus Kate. No. Look what you have in front of you. Who's been there the whole time?"

"Paul?" I asked quietly, confused.

"Yes, Paul. I see the way you look at each other. I saw the way he was holding Eli, the way Tia was so receptive to him. He's already a better dad and partner to them and you than I ever was. Let yourself have this one thing, ok? You three deserve someone who can treat you like his world."

I was stunned. Was Andy being serious? My face must've displayed off my shock.

"I'm letting you go, Kate. You've been waiting for each other for years. Don't prevent the inevitable anymore." I was still frowning, unable to comprehend what Andy was saying. "Let yourself be happy, ok?" I nodded.

Andy smiled sadly at me and stepped forward to hug me. I accepted his embrace. Could I do what he asked me do? Was that what I really wanted? If Andy could see those things, could everyone else? We pulled away, heading back to our kids.

Andy stayed overnight, leaving the next day in the evening. I wasn't particularly sad to see him leave. I'd had a little bit of time to think over what he'd said. Paul had heard every word. I knew by his proud demeanor around me for the past few hours. Such a smug bastard. I wanted to act on what Andy had said. It would take awhile to gather enough guts to talk to Paul, though. How was it so hard to talk to someone who was supposedly my soulmate?

Time proved difficult to corner Paul. He was on patrol every time I was free. Sometimes he would waltz through the door, but it was always at the most hectic times. The house was getting extremely crowded. With three babies and four adults, I felt restricted. Not to mention how many pack members and neighbors dropped by on a daily basis. The house wasn't big enough for all this traffic. It was another thing I wanted to talk to Paul about. I waited patiently for my chance. It felt like ages before Sam relented in his intense patrols.

Our schedules finally aligned in the first week of June. Andy would be visiting the next week, but I didn't let that bother me. I focused on what I would say to Paul. How would I approach this subject? I had a tentative outline in my mind. Hopefully I would stick by it. I drove Mother's car to his house, both Eli and Tia were being babysat by Emily Young. She'd encouraged me to come find Paul. I'd been hesitant, but here I was.