My Miku (Megurine x Miku Oneshots)

Heart of Doubt (JSLD)

Not so creative.

Listen to Mean It by LAUV and Lany.
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Megurine Luka, are you aware of the fact of how much you brought light to my day when you altered to me during a phone call these words,

"You're different from them"

Up until now I'm dying to know how I'm not like the people you used to entertain. I never got the chance to ask you though.

Not like you're going to answer right?

Megurine, I'm missing those moments when we'll wait for each other so we can eat our meals, get a good night sleep, all at the same time. You're a hundred miles away from where I am but somehow, it deeply feels like you're doing it together with me.

I like your voice, and I'm missing the days we used to do phone calls that's not in the least I wanted to end. Despite the senseless topics we exchanged, it never gets boring.

I admire you, moreover at the times you openly talk to me about your family and past life events, even getting to the point of crying when we came over to the more personal stuff.

In addition, you were incredibly adorable every time you get all excited about sharing the happy things that occur each day. It induces joy to me too.

I wished I can go back to those times.

Unfortunately, the only thing that I can do is endlessly listen to the numerous voice messages we shared and reread the last conversation we had.

I just can't stop thinking of you right now. It's wrong, I know.

I miss you a lot. I'm craving for your presence too much. You don't care, I'm aware of that.

We're not even together.

It's all so confusing, do you know that? You're not even my type but here I am right now, losing my mind as I wish I can reverse the period and act like how you wanted me to be. So you'd like me.

I used to bug you, annoy you, do anything that can get your attention. It satisfies me, makes my heart flutter Then you'll get mad, frustrated over how I'm so loud and noisy. Once, you admitted that you like it. You told me that sometimes it angers you, but that doesn't mean I should stop.

Although there were events that you'd really get mad and it made me wonder, "Should I change my approach towards you?"

I'm like this, doing things to show I much I care. Is it boring to you?

Should I try being a bit distant then? However, I'm afraid that might make you think I hold no interest in you.

I'm lost.

There were days where you'll apologize for venting your anger towards me, due to how terrible your days went. To be honest, there's no need to say sorry for that. As long as it'll make you feel better to let it all out to me, everything's just fine. I understand you know. Our days can't go perfect at all times. No need to feel guilty for being honest about how you feel.

I used to not take it seriously when you said to me that you care about me back then. I thought, yeah, it'll pass. It's hard for me to believe it even more after you told me that you're the type of person who gets sick of things way too silly, and also sometimes not sure with her own feelings.

Look at me now Megurine, wishing so much that you really did give a damn about me.

When you talk about other people that holds interest in you, it slightly kills me inside. But I'm not complaining, it's normal to feel pain anyway. Although I'm aware thatI don't stand a chance against them. There was even a time that you send me a picture of some guy, complimenting him of how he's deeply good-looking.

What can I do against that?

I questioned myself, "It seems like she's already pursuing someone else, should I stop entertaining her?"

I declined. I tried to put a good fight. I needed to show you why you should choose me. But I guess I just didn't tried hard enough huh?

Megurine, do you also know that back at the time you explained to me how you eagerly made efforts to get the attention of the people you used to talk to in the past?

Fudge. They were so lucky.

I wish you'd be the same with me.

When you told me you extremely did your best to impress those people, I couldn't suppress my jealousy.

I wish you'd also be like that with me.

Realization slapped me too hard. It just doesn't seem to be that way. It hurts, I can't stop crying. It's just difficult to accept the fact that everything between us is unrequited. I guess in all truth, I'm just stuck in the friendzone when it comes to you.

You won't see me in that kind of light.

Then we began rarely talking.

Even more solemn.

And it made me realize one thing.

You only talk to me when you're bored.

It stings.

Days passed and it became worse. You and I wouldn't even talk until I start to message you.

Slow replies, I understand that. We're all busy with our own lives and many other businesses we have to deal with.

But somehow, I'm beginning to think that with all these distant messages, you're not liking my presence anymore.

I reminded myself one memory.

"I hate this. It's as if I'm pushing myself too much to you."

"I thought you'll understand that I'd be busy this week"

"How come you can play then?"

"You don't own me. We're just friends"

Not again. I wasn't going to let the same mistake again, especially not with you Megurine. With Rin back then, I tried to confront her about the sudden change which seemed like it turned her off more.

"Do you still want to talk to me?"

Rin confessed to me, "Want"

A lie. Her actions tell it otherwise. Each day she showed me how much she's trying to get away from me.

And you're doing the same.

Don't worry though. There's no need to build me up then let me down. There's no reason for you to mess with my head like she did. Because it's all fine now. I get it. We're fine.

Back then you admitted to me, if a person tries to leave you, let them. Don't stress about the past people whose leaving your life, be more excited for the people coming in.

Thank you for that advice. Merry Christmas.

Just so you know, I'm still praying for you.

Also, you have completely no idea how much I love it when you say my name.

And Megurine, if you're ever going to need someone to talk to, I'll be here.

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Merry Christmas everyone!

Please bring in some joy so I can stop writing angst >.<