Bleed Me Dry: Chris Brown

Chapter 13:

Reese POV

Sex has never been more than just that for me. I fucked hard and without feelings. Never feeling the need to offer my bed nor a space to any woman. I don't fuck in my home. No woman should know where I lay my head but here I was laying on my back long limbs wrapped around my frame keeping me from getting up. I could only see the top of her head since the side of her face was pressed against my chest. She was in a deep sleep by how deep her breathing was. She hasn't moved in hours and I haven't had the chance to sleep. My heart and mind was too busy at war.

My heart bled from the words that cut deep from the confession of a person I hoped would never judge me. She was family, my sister but what did I except family means nothing when you isolate yourself from them anyway. She blamed me for the death of her husband, the reason her daughter would grow up without a father and I didn't hate her for it. I understood that everybody needs someone to blame and I'll rather her blame me than herself. Self-hatred is the worst and I'll never wish that on anyone. If the way Mel needs to cope with her grief is to place blame on me I'll gladly take it since it is indeed my fault.

My brother lies six feet deep because I failed to be there. The streets know it and so doesn't my momma. Marcus and I only had one rule when we ran wild together never let the other be alone. No one was going to protect us like each other. We were all we had out in them streets. The only people we found trust in was each other.

The blame isn't what crush my soul and sent my mind into a murder filled rage. It was the fact that she wished it was me my momma had to burry instead like my brother's life meant more than mine. As if it would have been easier to move on from my permanent absence than his. When it came to Marcus and I, I always came second even when people didn't notice they were doing it. The only one that never compared was my momma. She loved and cared for us equally.

But I have to admit that I don't wonder if everything would have been easier if it had been me and I even told myself that if it was possible, if I had the chance  would take mt brother's place and that was the truth. It haunts me that I can't, that there is no rewind button on life.

"You need to get some sleep Maurice." The sound of her voice through the darkness caused me to jump slightly.

I didn't notice the change in her breathing to let me know she was now up. I guess I was too deep into my thoughts.

"I'm not tired." A lie slipped from my lips without giving it much through.

I felt her pressure and warmth of her body leave my own as she shifted around the body until she found the switch to the bed side lamp and flicked it up. The sudden light caused my eyes too shut briefly before focusing on her. Robyn one of my t-shirt to bed after we had showered. It drowned her smaller frame but I could still see the shape of her breast poking through the front. Her hair was all over her head but not in a fucked up way. She was perfect and I was undeserving.

"The bags under your eyes say different." I could hear the attitude in her voice because of my lie but I didn't have the energy to argue back. Placing my palms flat on the bed I lifted to myself up until my back laid flat against the head board. "You can talk to me Maurice."

"I know you tell me that damn near every day." My words came out harsh which caused her face to frown even more.

"I'm just trying to help."

"I don't need your help."

"Well that's not what you said a few hours ago."

I debated on hurting her feelings. Telling her that it was the way her pussy clentched around me that made me say those words but I couldn't. One was it was a lie and two because I didn't want to say that hurt look in those green eyes. I hated that she always was willing to be right here for me. It was a feeling I wasn't use to. Women get a good fuck out of me and that's it but here I was trying to plan this perfect ass Valentines Day for her before all shit went to hell.