Comfort for the tears

Buried Deep

As Connie's coffin, sheltering her remnants was lowering down into the welcoming burrow below, Steven was unable to show any emotion.

His eyes were fixated on the ground, while soft music, playing in the background only added to the ambience. His eyebrows, furrowed, showing the root-deep frustration of a bleak Steven, although on the inside, a storm was brewing within him. Connie's parents were on the other side of the arrangement, sobbing quietly into the crooks of each other's necks.

Holding each other in searches of comfort, but only receiving a cold, unwelcoming grasp instead. Pulling. Connie's mother was furious at him, him being Steven. Her father as well. Steven being joined by the crystal gems, all dressed nicely in black. And he was too.

    Garnet was looking downwards as well, her hand set down on his shoulder for support. While Amethyst's hand was on his back, drawing circles. She was more sad than he had ever seen her in a long time, or maybe even ever. While pearl was facing the other direction completely, unable to accept the chilling reality laying before them. She had her hand to her mouth, you could tell she was holding back tears.

Greg was by Garnet, a tear mark adorning his face but tears otherwise stagnate. His eyes were locked on the coffin, being lowered deeper, and deeper into the dirt.

Connie's friends were there as well. Steven not having much space left in his brain, being in shambles at the moment, to take notice. Unable to interact with anyone, it being over his now passed lover. Which he couldn't help to feel was his fault. Lion was right next to him. He moved over, trying to lift Steven's hand to his mane, but Steven didn't move an inch. He just, left Lion to stand there without.

Lion eventually lying down. Him being extremely tired, and having been in a rut for some time now.

    So was Steven. So had Steven.

   

    After the funeral service had ended, Connie's parents scolded him relentlessly. Yelling, speaking his name over and over again. Tarnishing it, they told him it was all his fault their daughter had met this demise. No one could blame them, though, they were only looking to find closure. So Steven let them do this, rightfully so. His hands molded into fists, trembling non-stop. He was looking down, yet again.

He couldn't stand to look at their faces, he knew it would break him. He didn't want to make a scene. He looked down the entire time, and he knew it had been all his fault. It had to be, he couldn't help it. He couldn't escape this overarching guilt.

After it was over in its entirety, they all went home. The crystal gems were beat, very tired. Steven was especially. He walked up the steps bleakly and flopped onto his bed. Like a smol, defeated shrimp.

He moved slightly so that he could only be in a fetal position, and that's when the water works, worked. He grabbed at his hair with his quivering fists and started yanking.

He wanted to scream as loud as he could and ever had before, but didn't. He knew the crystal gems were downstairs, sleeping. He didn't want to make a fuss by waking them, they didn't deserve that. But he had just lost his best friend, lover? Maybe, lover. He doesn't know anymore. He doesn't know what to think. He just sobs, sobs, and sobs until he couldn't anymore. And boy, did he sob.

(time skip- a couple days)

It's now been a few days since Connie's passing, and Steven hasn't moved even a tad since, hasn't eaten anything either. His alarm goes off a few times, Steven knew he couldn't muster up the courage to go to school, ever, and so he gives up. The gems knew this was a very tough time for him, so they allowed it.

   

    Now being a month or so since Connie's passing, Steven still hasn't changed, and the gems were beginning to grow worried. They thought, had a prediction that it would maybe take a bit for Steven to get back up onto his feet. Had a hunch, as they'd been through heart-wrenching things much like this one, as well. But they didn't anticipate it would take THIS long.

They tried visiting him numerous times, to lift his spirits, of course, but he wouldn't bat an eye at them. Ever, he would otherwise just hide within this fortress he had created for himself: his blanket fort. His favorite place, permanently. No one could get him to talk, it seemed impossible.

It was impossible. It is- Greg came around to Steven's room a couple times, Steven giving him maybe a glance or two, before retreating his casa. Blanket casa- the gems would use the little energy they had left, to cook for him. Leaving their culinary creations on his bedside table. On his favorite tray, too. But he refused to eat, only until it became unbearable. He wanted this viscous cycle to stop, he wanted everything to stop.

    But he knew it wouldn't. Life's plans stop for no one. Ever.