Not Really Real

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Midnight Rants About My Past

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I loved you. Why won't you love me back? I gave you everything but you gave me shit? What is wrong with you? Maybe the real question is: What the fuck is wrong with me?! That's the shit. I felt like shit.

I used to be happy, smiling like the warm bright sun, mind at peace, and contended with the little things you do to me. But now...now that you proved that it was all a lie and nothing but the sake of fun, the brightness of my heart turned dull like it was swallowed into the pits of tormented darkness. Then, as I thought it was getting better, you chopped my heart into pieces with a chainsaw and grinded it like a beefstake and forced me to eat it back. You sick psycho. But still...i loved you. But I'm hurt. So hurt that it makes me so angry at you.

Now I'm a messed up emotional bitch, crying for the good remnants with you that are now useless because I meant nothing to you and "us" was  not really real. But what made it worst was....I believed that it's real. You led me to a false path and when I got lost, you abandoned me.

For fuck's sake! You could have just said that: "Hey bitch, I don't really love you so don't get the wrong impression." It's not that hard to say it in my face. Truth hurts but lying is worse. Now I hate love because of you. Now you made me a heartless being. Now you made me numb. You made me a villain to cupid. But even if the world's upside - down I still couldn't deny the fact that I fell for you, because somewhere deep down, there was a part in you that felt real. You're just too fed up with yourself to see it...and here I thought you're different from all the boys since you're a girl. But then some people tend to be just the same.

RT much? Well welcome to my realm of tragic feelings.

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