Human (Kawoshin)

Chapter 3: Connected

I stared at the pill for a while. I had lost track of little things like moments, and all the mini fragments that made up time. How long had it been that I stood there and simply stared at it? I wasn't sure but I was certain I couldn't trust whatever father had put inside it.

My thoughts danced with possibilities of what it could be--could it make me stronger...could it kill me?

I picked up the pill and simply pocketed it for the time being.

"Well..it's not like it came with instructions," I mumbled under my breath. I wasn't doing anything wrong. There were no orders.

I could only fathom that it had to do with piloting the Eva somehow. But all I could remember were the horrors an Eva can bring to a pilot unwilling to synchronize. I thought of being trapped inside a berserk Eva, completely surrendering all control. I wouldn't relive that again, I couldn't. Despite it all I just knew. I knew somehow I would be inside an Eva again that there really was no escape from this reality. This reality was all there was and all I would ever know. The crushing weight of my truth sunk me deeper into depravity. Maybe the only way out was in the Eva...

I left my room with purpose. I needed answers, I needed to see this new series of Evas and I needed to know what I had to do with it all. But Nerv wasn't what it was. There was no bustle, there was barely a sense of presence. It was empty and forsaken--really just a wide expanse of abandonment, long hallways, the endless escalators and the lonely piano. Or at least that was most of what I had seen.

"Hello?" My voice echoed off of crumbling walls and high ceilings. The only voice that returned to me was my own echo. Everything felt fruitless and miserable, like it really was just me, father, and this blue pill. Well, that was until she crossed my mind.

Rei Ayanami, maybe she--no she couldn't be...but maybe...

I walked to Rei's old quarters, hopelessly but with a slight drive of confidence. A few paces off I saw a warm orange glow . The kind of glow that could only signify presence. The books I had left behind for her were gone but the glow was undeniable. She had to be inside.

"Uh...Rei? Is that you?" My voice wavered into a whisper with my confidence fading.

Then, I saw a shadow and movement and rustling of tent flaps. Was she really here?

"Rei!"

She stood before me bandaged, bruised, and in an entirely different plugsuit. Not white, not black, just grey. Grey at the body and white detailing. Wow, did she really sleep in that thing? Did she ever take it off? Did she have that much pride in being an Eva Pil--

"Hello, Shinji." She was monotone and flat. Her lips pursed in a straight line, eyes downcast and empty.

"R-Rei...you're really here...I thought that...I actually...I'm not sure what I thought."

She looked up at me blankly.

"You're hurt, aren't you?" I asked, unsure what else to say.

"No. I'm well enough to work."

"You mean...get in the Eva right?"

"Yes."

Silence. This couldn't really be Rei. It never was going to be the real Rei and there was almost no use in trying to talk to her like she knew me...knew us. This was just another Rei...another clone.

"So...there are Evas then..."

"Yes, Shinji. Why haven't you changed?"

I raised an eyebrow, unsure of what she meant by changed.