Back To You {Hyunchan} ✓

тweɴтy ғιve

*trigger warning for this first half of the chapter, if you're sensitive to suicide scroll to the '-☁️-' mark, stay safe bbys*

Hyunjin awakes underneath a fuzzy blanket and in the arms of felix, the room is dark - no sun light peeking through the blinds as of yet.

The brunette checks the time and sees that its 4am. He sighs, slowly detangling himself and standing, carefully repositioning the blanket around felix before creeping into the kitchen.

He feels the weight on his shoulders increase, making his legs feel like they're going to give in from underneath him. Slowly he slides to the floor, head buried in his knees and back braced against the cupboards as thoughts fly around his head. Questions and worries, possible answers and riddles zoom around his mind.

What is johnny really going to do? Is anyone going to help me? Am I alone? I'm trapped.

Hyunjin feels as if he's trapped in a box, one he cant seem to escape. An endless maze in which all he finds are dead ends which just send him in circles - messing with his head, clawing away at his logic and sanity. Find someone , fall in love, get hurt, repeat. It's happened twice over in the same span of time, so what's to stop it from happening again? What's to stop chan from breaking his heart again? Whats to stop Johnny from causing his heartbreak for a second time? What's to stop Johnny from ruining the happiness he's finally found?

The boy cant take it anymore, his resolve shakes away. Body trembling, he rises from the floor and makes his way into the living room. He watches over his friends and then thinks of the three boys away from home - he doenst want them to be burdened with him anymore. They dont deserve it, especially minho and felix - they have enough going on without his issues and baggage. They've all seen him go through so much and they dont deserve to have to see it again. He doenst deserve them.

The brunette finds tears slowly drip down his face, dripping down his chin and onto his shirt, but he doesn't even bother wiping them away - hes cried too much recently to even care anymore, he's too tired. Nothing seems to amount to anything so why bother?

He carefully writes down a note to all of his friends, a section for each of them - thanking them for something in specific - and a section at the end asking for chan to be told as gently as possible. And finally an apology, an apology for not being strong enough to deal with this on his own, but fully expressing his gratitude for the people around him.

The note is folded and labelled 'for my friends' and is left on the windowsill where it's most likely to be found. Quietly he creeps out of the house, door closing louder than he wouldve liked but hopefully it didnt wake anyone up - fortunately it did.

-

Hyunjin finds himself at the bridge above the rushing river by woojins house - too exhausted from everything to go any further. His hands grip the railings so tight his knuckles turn white, looking as if they'll puncture through the skin.

His eyes screw shut and he let's out a heart-breaking, gut-wrenching scream - venting out any emotions that are brewing beneath the surface. His head is screaming at him,

WHY ME?! WHY DO I DESERVE THIS?! DON'T LET ME STAY HERE ANYMORE, IM FINISHED! IM DONE! LET ME GO!

He finds himself with his legs slung over the railing, holding on with only his white-knuckled hands, ready to fall into the crashing water, muffled shouts vaguely registered in the background. Hes about to let go but a pair of arms wrap around his waist, pulling him over the railing and onto the floor, tears still heavily spilling down his face...