Nightfire | The Whispering Wall #1

Fifty Seven: Mistakes

"I'm not sure I appreciate that," Jordan replied. He had attempted to be lighthearted, but managed to sound like he meant it. He winced – was that what his voice really sounded like?

"Not that you don't have any part in it," Hap said. Jordan flinched. "I don't know what you and your tutor got yourselves into that night. I would like to think that you would confide in the appropriate people if the matter was serious. But I'm afraid, boy, that it doesn't exempt you from continuing your duties, and it certainly doesn't give you a pass to disrespect your superiors."

Jordan flooded with shame. The numbness fled him right when he needed it.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. And then it was out...he didn't even realise it was coming until it was too late: "I nearly killed someone."

Nika raised his head from his hands. "What?"

He couldn't have made things any worse, so he didn't even try to stop himself crying. "I could've held back and I didn't. If Yddris hadn't... if he hadn't..."

"He only mentioned that you dealt with Wights," Nika said, and the edge was back in his tone. Jordan could tell it wasn't directed at him this time. "He said you were with him."

"I was. He arrived just in time to stop me killing someone I was trying to protect." Jordan angrily wiped his eyes. "It's my fault. I left the temple. I shouldn't have left."

"But why did you leave?"

"I...I can't tell you."

Nika went slack. It was eerie; the air went oddly flat and it almost looked as if the cloak had no one inside and just hung there, motionless. A split-second passed, and then the Unspoken turned on his heel and left. The front door slammed.

Jordan stared at the empty spot where Nika had been standing, frozen. Did he know what was going on? Had Jordan said something that allowed him to guess? He ran over everything he'd said since Nika entered the room, but couldn't figure out how the man would ever work out the truth from the few scraps of information Jordan had given him. Fear seeped in at the edges of his mind. He didn't think he could carry the shame of anybody else finding out.

"I'll go after him," Hap said. While calm, he seemed as perplexed by Nika's sudden exit as Jordan. "Koen, maybe you could take Jordan to...?"

"Course, yeah," Koen said, "Go on, you'll lose him if you hang about."

Hap left, hobbling as fast as his leg would let him, and the front door opened and closed again. Jordan swallowed.

"I feel like I just fucked up so badly and I don't know how," he mumbled.

"Frankly," Koen said, "I don't either. I'm sure we can figure it out later." He sounded much too cheerful given the circumstances. Jordan grunted. "Don't beat yourself up about it."

Jordan squinted, dubious. "Don't beat myself up about almost burning someone to death?"

"Well." Koen fidgeted. "That was pretty stupid. But you're an apprentice, you're not expected to know. Did I tell you I burned down my family's house?"

"Yeah."

"My family was inside. Could've ended very differently if Hap hadn't arrived when he did. You shouldn't have left the temple alone. I shouldn't have jumped on a demon. Same principle."

"You...jumped on it?"

"It was very big and stank like shit and hurt something fierce when it threw me off, but yes. I jumped on it. And then I burned the house down with my parents and two brothers still in it. When you beat that level of stupid, you can start feeling sorry for yourself." He brightened. "And while you're doing that, I have a treat for you."