Sinful

chapter seventeen

    Sometimes blessings come from the ugliest things. Like when something awful happens but in the end you end up getting something positive out of it? Those lessons are something I don't take for granted. In this case, my ugly blessing was being kicked out of my dads house. I was not only physically hurt but internally hurt too. But you see, that pain soon turned into something beautiful... a sense of freedom. I had been praying for my well being for so long, was this god finally answering my prayers? I couldn't help but think so. In the days following the heated argument with my dad and the Christmas party there was a lot of change and more change to come but I was ready, I had never been more ready for something in my entire life. I was ready to love and to feel love. 

    "What if he comes looking for me?" I asked my friends, as we sat around Harry's kitchen table. Harry raised his eyebrows. "That's always a possibility, but you'll be 18 in how many weeks?" As always, he had a point. "Two... but-" Janice cut me off putting a hand in my face "No buts Charlie don't over think it, he doesn't even have a way to contact you, you don't even have a phone." She was right, I always used the house phone at my dads. "Shit. You're right I need a phone! And how am I going to support myself? I need a job too, father always gave me money he said I didn't need a job." I rubbed my fingers over my temples. "Gems got an old iPhone we can set up for you, it's got a crack or two but it'll work for now ok Charlie?" I smiled at the kind gesture. "You all are so nice to me I don't know how to thank you guys enough, just you alls presence means so much." Harry walked over and ran his fingers over my cheek. "we've got your back girl, you're one of us now." Zayn chimed in.  

    The front door slammed and Gemma came waltzing in, not realizing we were there at first, "oh!" She chuckled as she looked up from her phone. "The breakfast club decided to come over I see." She looked at Harry as he rolled his eyes in annoyance. "all the crazies gathered together, interesting." She added. I was taken about. What did she mean by crazies? Whatever it meant it seemed to really piss Janice off, "it's so nice to see you too Gemma, how are your therapy sessions going? Still boo-hoo-ing to a shrink about your failed high school lesbo lover?" She snapped, Janice pretended to wipe tears from her eyes. Gemma slammed her phone down against the counter. "fuck you." She spat. "I swear if you weren't one of Harry's stupid psychotic friends I would wreck your shit" Janice stood up and put her hand on her hip." Then wreck it" she smirked, taking a step closer to Gemma. I stood up and got in between the two of them. "ok so I don't really know what's going on, or what the issues between you two are but I think for the sake of everyone that's here to just not do this." I tried to mediate. "Bitch over here started it." Janice gritted. I looked at her with a soft expression, "and it's not your place to finish it, rude people hate silence." Janice nodded her head and sat back down. "You're right." 

    Gemma picked her phone up and walked towards the stairs, "I want them all out. Now." She yelled at Harry. "See what you did!" Zayn said as he crossed his arms looking over at Janice. "Charlotte stays, Gem." Harry said hardly. Gemma shook her head no. "I honestly don't care what you have to say, you don't know shit about what's been going on with her she's got no where else to go! Have some compassion and just trust me." He pressed. I sat there head between my knees praying for some type of resolution, I didn't want to be a burden. "Whatever Harry, but she's got to help out." We both agreed with a single nod, "thank you." I spoke softly. I looked over at Janice, she looked so mad. "This is why we meet at my house, always." She said as her and Zayn stood up to leave. "I'm sorry ok.. it's just Gemma" Harry apologized as we both hugged them goodbye, making plans to see them both in the next few days. 

    "She's not always like this." Harry explained, "she's just got issues. You've got to understand and know Gemma to really understand what I'm getting at." We both plopped down on the couch, cuddling close to each other. It was from then on I had made it my mission to get to know Gemma, to understand her, because everyone deserves at least that in my opinion. We sat there in comfortable silence for a few seconds. "So what are we?" Harry asked quietly. I furrowed my eyebrows and sat up sitting on the question. I took a deep breath, "Harry, there's something I need to explain to you, okay? a few weeks ago when I told you I loved you that was wrong of me. What I meant is that I love the person you are, the person that has showed me so much compassion when you didn't have to. I love the thought of me and you. I love how comfortable you make me feel. I love what me and you have. To say that I loved you was wrong of me and I'm sorry for that. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He looked me in me eyes and smiled as he pulled me into a hug. "I know exactly what you mean, Charlotte." 

"I think we could be boyfriend and girlfriend... but not right now. We have a lot of work to do on ourselves. But that doesn't mean I necessarily want you to be with another guy. Does that make sense?" Harry spoke softly as he ran his fingers through my hair. I shrugged my shoulders. "Is absolutely love that, styles. You're my person and you know that." I said, "and you know you're mine too... the most beautiful soul." He leaned in and gave me a soft kiss on the forehead. "Wouldn't wanna room with anyone else."

    The conversation between me and harry was much needed. I liked him, like a lot. And I knew he felt the same way too. We had something beautiful but to put a label on things right now just wasn't the best option and we both knew that. I was just happy we were okay again, that I was okay again.