child in the shards

its all my fault

why does nobody understand
you can try and try and try
but you're always to blame
you're in the wrong
it's all on you

you get called the worst things by your friends
they tell you what a bad friend you are
constantly tell you how to change

they go off on you for any little thing you do
you defend and defend and defend
but all you get is tears in your eyes
and thoughts in your mind

when you try to keep it together
for the rest of the group
but it just doesn't work anymore

you can't take her nonsense
she brings up things you said years ago
that hurt her when you didn't know she was hurting
that she wasn't willing to open up about

and suddenly it's your fault
for her pain and tears
for her struggles and the person she's becoming
for your own issues that you have no control over

your fault

there's no choice but to give up
no one needs a friend that drags you down
over and over again
that's not a true friend

toxic friendships creep up on you
they hold your hand with one hand
while holding a knife in the other

but again i'm blamed for the group falling apart
and i'm blamed for hurting everyone else
when all that was needed was listening and understanding
that's all.