child in the shards

Rejection

I was raised thinking
There was no such thing as
Rejection;
Until I've now learned from my godawful mistakes.
I liked him,
And I heard he liked me.
I guess it was just something to make me feel better.
It takes a lot for me to get so confident.
Ask him out?
Sure what can go wrong.
In the blink of an eye,
Your whole life could change.
And just like that I was rejected.
Until that moment I was clueless.
Clueless that I have been lied to,
That I have been backstabbed,
That I have gotten in so deep.
For what?
Absolutely nothing.
Depression strikes too easily for me,
Thoughts flood my damaged mind,
Texts absorb my phone like a sponge.
When will I learn?
When will I get my "happily ever after"?
Never.
Because I'm nothing.
Nothing to you,
Nothing to him,
Nothing to them.
I'm shocked, and afraid, and mostly embarrassed.
My little eyes can't take the weight of the tears begging to fall out.
Now I know Just who you are.
Not just my rejectee, but the one I trusted the most, my best friend.
She can tell me a million times she didn't do what she did to make this happen; But I wouldn't believe it a single time.
Because of you, I haven't just lost him and a few others on the way, I've lost my ways of seeing you as someone I can trust.
My heart only closes faster than it began to open in the first place.
Why offer my gifts?
Because I'm just a dumb hormonal teen, looking for attention.
No more opening up.