THIRTY-FOUR

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je suis désolée

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je suis désolée

Silence. It was very rare that the Marauder's Dorm was ever filled with anything but rambunctious laughter, but, for once, nobody made a single sound. That was, apart from Eloise who was crying into Sirius' chest but even that was muffled by her boyfriend's shirt, who was rubbing Eloise's hair softly and trying to deny passage to the tears in his eyes. Thalia was sat beside James on his bed, both of them staring at the wall with clenched jaws and expressionless faces. Remus was sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands and the occasional sniff coming from his side of the room. Peter, it seemed, had disappeared to the kitchens for 'Consolation Pie' which was just cherry bakewell with mounds of whipped cream and gumdrops.

Eloise let out an almighty sob and gripped the material of Sirius' shirt in her hands as he tightened his arms around her, rocking her softly and making consoling 'shh' sounds. James snapped out of his trance and walked over to Sirius' bed, sitting down next to the couple and putting a hand on his sister's knee. For the first time, James didn't quite know what to say, he didn't know how to comfort his twin and he certainly didn't know how to react. He was glad that Sirius was there to provide Eloise with comfort and was quite glad, though he reprimanded himself for being so selfish, that he didn't have to do the same with Thalia - her not being too close with Lily.

Three days previous, Dumbledore had approached Lily and told her that her parents had been killed by Death Eaters and she was to return to Cokeworth to see her sister and the remainder of her family. Twenty-four hours later, however, the Marauders discovered that this was a ploy made by Voldemort's followers and they were waiting in the Evans' family home for Lily to return so that they could kill her. When Dumbledore told the Sixth Years that Lily had been murdered, Eloise's whole world fell apart. If it wasn't for Sirius who was there to catch her, she would've fallen to the ground along with it. Thalia didn't know what to do with herself, she wasn't friends with Lily, sure, but it was devastating to hear that your classmate, not to mention a friend of your own, had been killed in cold blood. All Thalia knew was that she had to be there to try and alleviate some of Eloise's, along with the other Marauders', pain.

No one had said anything since they found out. Sirius had carried Eloise to his bed and immediately pulled her into his chest and Remus and James had simply sat on their beds without so much as a word. Thalia didn't know how James was feeling but she wanted him to know that he could mourn Lily without upsetting her. As hurtful as it was to think about, James had been in love with Lily Evans for five years before developing feelings for Thalia and, as far as she was concerned, those feelings didn't just disappear.

As for Eloise, Thalia knew from losing Thomas that the death of someone so close is a traumatising thing for someone so young. Thalia made a vow to be there for her best friend to offer advice and long hugs, putting any negative feelings she may have had towards Lily aside.

"She would've been seventeen next week." Remus' voice was hoarse and quiet, "She was so excited to be able to use magic outside of school."

"Now she'll be able to use magic whenever she wants." Sirius whispered softly, pressing a kiss to Eloise's head "I'll bet you anything that she's up there right now dancing around because she was finally able to perfect the Patronus Spell." he chuckled and James joined in,

"She always held it against us that we got it first." his eyes glistened and he shook his head swiftly, moving back to his own bed.

"I would've liked to know what it was." Remus flicked his hair out of his eyes, "Her patronus."

"It was a doe." an exceedingly fragile voice came from under Sirius' arms. "She perfected the spell on Tuesday."

Silence followed Eloise's words and James swallowed before taking out his wand and wordlessly casting the charm. A glowing stag appeared in the middle of the room and Sirius moved out of the way slightly so Eloise could see it. James stood up and placed a hand on his patronus' head,

"Goodbye, Evans." he said, his voice cracking and a tear finally escaping his eyes and flowing down his cheek, "I'll miss you Lily-Flower."

"Goodbye, Lil." Sirius rubbed his eyes, "I guess I'll have to find someone else's notes to copy from in my time of need...thanks, though, Evans. For everything." he bit his lip and turned his head away to hide his crying.

"I'm gonna miss Prefect Duty with you, Lils." Remus clasped his hands together and nodded his head, "Now you'll have to keep a lookout up there for me, you know I tend to miss the students in the dark corners." Remus dropped his head again and wiped his nose, "I'll never find a better Prefect to patrol around with me, Lily, you were the best." Remus' voice failed him towards the end and he began to cry heavily. Thalia took a deep breath,

"I'm sorry this happened to you, Lily. You didn't deserve this." she felt a lump grow in her throat, "There's going to be a lot of emptiness in a lot of people's lives without you...you'll be missed, Evans."

Last to say goodbye was Eloise. She sniffed loudly and wiped her hands over her face, shuffling forwards so she was directly in front of James' patronus. The glowing stag turned so its head was centimetres away from Eloise's and her bottom lip began to tremble before she took a breath to compose herself.

"You did so much for me, Lily, I can't thank you enough." her voice was wobbly and she could hardly finish the sentence before beginning to cry again. Sirius wrapped his arms around her from behind and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "You had so much more to live for, Lils. So much to experience...you never even had a chance to try mint choc chip ice cream because you were too stubborn to trust me when I said it was the best in the world." she let out a watery laugh and covered her mouth, closing her eyes. "When we spoke about the war the other day you said that you'd happily give your life for the cause. I said that you were mad and told you it would never come to that, as always, you were right." Eloise took a shaking breath, "It won't be the same without you, Lils, but I'm gonna try to make you proud, I'm going to try with all of my might to win this war for you...to win this war for my Lily."

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