Fallen

chapter 31

I did not see that coming because never in my wildest dreams did i ever think she will tell anyone apart from me and Maryam, her future husband definately but she and my brother have not even introduced themselves to their families. I gulped down my saliva after recovering "well ya Juhaifa here with me actually" i managed to blab out

"What!" She widened her eyes and her hands dropped to her side on the bed.

"Yeah.. he insisted on following me here, he said something about apologizing, he seemed really out of his elements" i told her the apparent truth

"I am not ready to see him, i do not want to see him please not while i am in this state, please tell him to go" she pleaded and i understood. This is too much for her. She already regrets her past actions and the last thing she would want on her plate is rejection and it being the cause.

"I personally dont think he will agree to leave without seeing you but i also dont know what he said to you so ill see what i can do" I mentioned and gave her a pat on her back before i made my way back out, i bumped into one of her sisters that was on her way to Hauwas room which i had to redirect her elsewhere and finally met Ya Juhaifa impatiently waiting.

"Yaya she said she cant see you" i folded my hands after i voiced out and looked down playing with a stray gravel with the tip of my aldo flats.

He looked at me with and his lips drew into a straight line, guilt and anger probably consuming him. "But i cant.. i... i.. just have to see her please" he said he was having a moment of weakness but still trying to keep his guard up, he cant let himself break in front of his baby sister so i looked away to the stream of trees siding the gate of the house opposite us.

"Ya Juhaifa i think it will be better if you just go.. because i saw the state she is in and i dont think she will listen to you, or see you right now.. so maybe later if you come to pick me or tomorrow i dont really know"

"Did she tell you what happened?" He asked he seemed curious all of a sudden

"Not really.. kind off, she was crying so i didnt want to pry.. i dont know i gotta go back in now sorry yaya Allah is with you in sha Allah" I voiced feeling bad for both of them. Why is love always towing pain along?

His shoulders slumped while he nodded, he got back in the car and drove off opposite the direction we came i am sure he is not going home but it doesnt really matter, my freind needs me now and my brother will be fine that i am sure of. He is my brother after all the strongest of us all.

I walked back into the house with a headache already forming. I massaged my fore as i entered the violet painted room i found no one inside but heard the sound of water from the toilet.

20 minutes later whilst i was engrossed in my instagram feeds and texting back and forth with Jamal she came out dripping wet in a white robe. I didnt say anything neither did she. She made way to her closet and came out wearing a very loose green polka dotted pajama. Its 3pm and shes wearing pajamas.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I managed to ask keeping my phone face down on the bedside drawer, she eventually will have too even if not right now.

"Not really, maybe later but not now" she said her voice sounding low and defeated. Her eyes were sad and regretful It stung me somewhere inside around my chest area that my brother is responsible for making her feel and look this way.

"What exactly did ya Juhaifa say to you?" I cant just keep quiet and watch her beat herself up over something that was qadr.

"I told him Hamza broke our engagement two weeks to the wedding and ya Juhaifa wasnt pleased with what Hamza did at all, he said what he did was terrible but it was Allahs planning afterall, a blessing in disguise since now i have him instead, which is true. Seeing his reaction i didnt tell him the reason behind Hamzas actions because guilt kept consuming me and i feared losing him. I was at fault in some way for letting hamza take advantage of me. So yesterday we were talking and were deep into our conversation when i asked him if he would  have any problem with me not being a virgin and he went silent at first but then started asking unbelievably stupid and stupifying questions. He got angry and said somethings that hurt me deep.

He didnt listen to anything i had to say so i disconnected the phone and blocked him before things go completely out of control or we say things we would regret later on" she finished and smoothened out her dress like she wasnt the same person that had a mental breakdown some minutes ago. I swallowed hard thinking of what i can possibly do in this situation.

"Look Basmah i know he is your brother and all but i cannot marry him if he will keep calling me a whore even if its by mistake or he doesnt fully mean it, he is wrong, in all aspects" she paused and closed her eyes as another stream of tears flowed down her face "he is wrong, even if he feels sorry for his actions but i, will need a break__away from him, and all this"

"I know he is Hauwa but he is sorry, he really is, I am sure he already regret his actions that is why he came to see you. I've never seen ya Juhaifa like this, he does love you and i know you love him too. I know i havent told you this but Ya Juhaifa has admirred you long before he even knew met you. Youve been his crush since last year and i knew i shouldnt have kept the fact that i knew you for that long but it is what it is. He almost swore to make you his wife even before he met you and i dont think he has stepped even an inch back from that decision. And to be completely honest with you what reaction would you expect to get from someone that loves this much if you told him? Take all the time you need, ill try talking to him but please dont break each others hearts" She was quiet all this while letting her tears flow unsound.

"Basmah you yourself know love is never enough to keep a couple together.." She picked her phone and dialed. Two minutes later her sister walked in with some refreshments and that was how i let those words sink deep into me. While we took a different topic to ponder on.

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I left in the evening when Hauwa fell asleep. I didnt know where my brother was and i am not ready to face him so i called Jamal to come pick me.
"You have been exceptionally quiet" he hand one of his hands on the wheel while the other was resting on the arm rest, as usual sporting his sun glasses while i just stared out the window not knowing where my head is exactly. "Basmah talk to me, is this about Sumayya?"

I chuckled, you know the kind of chuckle you do when you feel helpless "nahh J guy, Sumayya is not it, take the longer route please, im enjoying this drive" i told him whilst smiling out the tinted window which made the world a whole shade darker than it already is.

"C'mon now babe tell me whats wrong, whats up, i can just park somewhere if you dont tell me"

"Its nothing serious really ill tell you later when i get home, im just tired" i rested my head on the window to gesture my message.

"Since you say so.. but please dont keep it pent up inside okay? Im here for you" and if that didnt melt me, it sure gave me butterflies

"Sure love" my heart wanted to reach for his hand but my head was too messy to give orders and Jamal being Jamal did just that.
He gave my left hand a reassuring squeeze and that enough was something to keep the whole of me together and keep my insecurities away. This feels safe.

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Heyy Everyone🌚🌚
Put your guns back please😅😅
thank you all sincerely from the bottom of my heart for your patience. 🤗🤗
I dont have an explanation that will justify my absence but i will try my besstt to be consistent with the updates now in sha Allah.

May Allah make it easy for us with all the things happening in the world right now.
Ameen☺

THANK YOUU!!🌹🌹

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Fateemmarh_ab🍀