Yours truly, Azrael

XII. Confession and Reason

The days after the faithful night of their unintentional spat were like hell for Pierre. He remembered. He remembered the dejected look on Azrael's face including the pain in those lilac eyes. It haunted him during the day and haunted him during the night. And it hurt to know that he did nothing to take away Azrael's pain. He just simply watched. It was what he did best.

He watched.

By the time he finally had enough, he decided to visit Azrael. They hadn't heard from Azrael since that night and they were all very worried. So Pierre, being the one who worries the hardest, volunteered to visit the silver-haired man. He just had to see Azrael. He just had to.

He missed him so, so much. So much that it hurt. So much that he could die if he couldn't see Azrael's face for yet another day. And that pain intensified every time he remembered that the person he was longing for is not and will never belong to him. It hurt him more that the person he would willingly sacrifice everything he have is just being ignored and neglected by the one he loves when he is on the sidelines doing nothing but watch when he could just walk in and treat the man the way that he deserves to be treated.

Azrael was just reading the book he just bought from the store when the doorbell rang. He wondered who it was, turns out it was Pierre, it was Pierre who is standing at the opposite side of the door who came to check up on him.

When Azrael opened the door, Pierre's heart was suddenly filled with so much love. This was the man that he loved, the man that he longed for, the man that he wanted to hold so much. And even though it pained him to know that this man would never be his, even though it pained him to know that he lost this person, the first person he ever loved to one of his friends who is now openly ignoring and neglecting this man's feelings, it didn't stop him from loving, from yearning, from hoping, for this man be his instead.

It was awkward. The visit was awkward. After his outburst that night, he hadn't really talked with Pierre and now, here he was in his house, checking up on him and seeing if he was eating well and all. He must have been forced to come but Azrael was oddly touched by Pierre's genuine concern, asking him if he was eating enough vegetables and if he hadn't been starving himself.

Pierre asked him every question that he could think of, including whether he was eating properly, because he was worried, he was truly worried. But in between the questions, in between the inquiries, they both knew that there was still something unresolved between them.

After fussing, they settled in the living room to watch television. They still haven't talked about what happened that night. Azrael figured that he had to say sorry. He had been such a real ass to Pierre even though the man was just worried about him. He was just about to say sorry when Pierre interrupted him with a statement he really didn't expect to hear. 

Pierre wondered if he should confess. He wondered if should tell Azrael how much he longed for him, how much he cared for him, how much he loved  him. He wondered if he should risk their friendship for his own selfish desires. He wondered. Azrael was just about to speak when he suddenly blurted out,

"I love you."

Azrael was shocked, what did Pierre say again, could he have misheard? Pierre could see it as clear as day. Azrael certainly didn't expect that, didn't he?

"Pierre. W-"

" I love you, Azrael. Ever since that day in the park, no, it was far longer than that, I have loved you."

Pierre continued, not giving Azrael the chance to speak. He didn't want Azrael to speak. He didn't want to hear Azrael's rejection. He just wanted Azrael to know. He just wanted Azrael to know that he love him. He just wanted Azrael to know that even if Racel continuously take him for granted, there is someone out there who would willingly give him everything he'll want, that there was someone out there who loves him the way that he should be loved, and that someone is him.