Soft || NOMIN ||

19

Jeno.
I could barely breathe, he was right. There was no room in my broken heart for redemption, it was stupid of me to assume I could be forgiven for my disgusting actions in the past.
My heart began beating faster, a sick feeling riding in my stomach as I walked out of the student halls, the Crisp, cold, air slithered around my body harshly. Like needles, it stabbed my cheeks, turning them a dusty pink in the faint breeze.
I didn't know where my feet were taking me, but I knew I had to go, I had to let them take me to a place I feared most. The place I dread going since the day my life changed. Since February 2012. The day I became the person I am today. Nothing but a disgusting bully.
There's no excuse, I have no excuse for turning init this monster, it was a coping mechanism. A way to be remembered.
I knew I could never be remembered for something great, that makes people smile at the sound of my name. No, I had to make people remember me out of pure fear. I will be the ghost that haunts people's dreams.
I walked along the dark, deserted path, winter nights drew in fast and it wasn't pleasant at 5:20 in the evening to be met by an empty street. Maybe they all knew I was coming out tonight and scurried home like roaches...
I was walking faster and faster for around half an hour before my feet started to feel heavy with reluctancy and fear. Was it going to happen again? Or will I be remembered this time?

As I saw the building, shivers crawled up my spine and my neck. I had to, I had to go inside.
I walked in, past the reception, ignoring the calls from the woman behind the desk. I was in no mood to chatter.
Finally, I made it.
Outside room 107.
Reaching for the door handle, I took ahold, it was freezing and felt dirty.
I opened it up and there she was.
Laying in bed, sipping her tea, her numb, wrinkly, wizened old face staring down at a book she probably couldn't even understand.
She hadn't even noticed my presence. As she turned the pages, he bony hands looked even bonier and so did her fragile figure.
"G-grandma?" I called and she lifted her heavy eyes.
They widened in shock, she said nothing but shrank back in fear.
It happened again.
Just like February 2012.
She's forgotten me again.

My heart sank as the tears rose in my eyes. All I wanted to do was see her face, to hug her and tell her I'm sorry and that I love her, but she's staring at a stranger right now.
"I-it's me Jeno.." I said in defeat; she scanned her eyes over my body they shon with something new and my smile grew.

Recognition...

"Jeno!" She smiles, holding her arms open for a hug.
I couldn't stop the tears as I rushed over holding her tightly.
I felt so at home, so complete, so loved.
"I've missed you so much grandma, how've you been?" I asked sitting in the bed beside her, holding her hand in mine.
"I'm coping well, look at you! All grown up! I bet the girls are swooning over my handsome grandson!"
Her voice was like liquid gold to my ears. I've missed her so much, even her funny smile she does when she's over exited.
Suddenly the door crashed open and a nurse barged in, looking very confused.
"Oh piss off let me have some time with my grandson!"
I broke into laughter and so did the nurse before apologising and leaving still in fits. She's not changed her witty personality at all.
I couldn't stop the smile on my face, all that happened an hour ago was well out of my head.
We talked for what felt like hours about everything, catching up on the highs and lows.
I told her everything.
Jisung, chenle, Jaemin and everyone I've hurt. I expected her to be angry, but she only drew me in for another cuddle. I couldn't live with out her, I couldn't change with out her. I couldn't find my self until i had her back. Until I was her grandson again.
There were a few tears, a few laughs and a few angry points only to end in a smile.

"Grandma?"

She hummed in response, fiddling with my hair.
"I think I'm in love with Jaemin."

"You don't bloody say! He's all you've talked about tonight you silly goose!"

I laughed a sorry laugh, remembering everything that's happened. I began telling her that too.
"I don't know what to do.." I sobbed.
She took my hand in hers, giving it a small kiss before smiling deep into my eyes.
"Jeno son, you have to show your love and redemption through actions. People believe what they see, you can show them you've changed. And let that lively Jaemin boy know you love him. Tell him every second for all we care! Apologise to him and take care of him. He's helped to change my Jeno back into the boy I know and love! I must meet him some day Jeno!"
I ginned widely at her, nodding in excitement.
Soon enough, visiting hours were over and it was Nearly half ten at night!
After a king good bye and a promise to visit soon, we parted and I was in front of mine and Jaemins room; I was scared to knock. Scared to tell him how I felt, but she was right, I have too.