Started With a Lie

Chapter Sixty

"I can't lose you," Lee continues to chant, blood covering his teeth and making a mess. He reaches for my hand, covering mine with his. He puts his finger on top of my finger, both on the trigger.

"STOP IT," I yell. "Stop it, please. I don't want this. Why are you doing this?"

Lee's face begins to blur like a glitch gone wrong. "I can't. I c-ca—" A flicker later, his face morphs into the scarred face I hate. Victor emerges, a smug smile on his face. "Pull the trigger, Ivory. Do it," his disgusting voice says. "Kill me."

I feel my finger moving, gently pressing on the trigger. The face changes again, back to Lee, his eyes full of tears and blood dripping from his lips. He looks devastated, closing his eyes. "Kill me. Kill me. I can't lose you. I can't. I can't," he says, his voice cracking. He shouts, "Kill me!"

The shift happens again, the face transforming. A scar digs itself onto his face. Blue, electric eyes. Two voices. One body. The voices fuse into one, chilling my spine when I hear it. "Kill me, Ivory. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me." His finger presses over mine, the trigger firing the gun.

I scream, my throat in pain. The noise is overbearing and makes me jump back.

The face changes back to Lee's as he smiles one last time, his body slumping and falling.

"I can't lose you. I can't lose you. I can't lose you. I can't lose y—"

My eyes shoot open, my heartbeat erratic and pulsing through my ears and body. The dryness of my mouth clings to my throat still. Slowly, my eyes try to focus and I am staring at the face of Victor. My body begins to thrash, kicking myself out of his strong grip. There's blood on his face, cuts on his lip and chin. I can't understand what happened or what is going on.

My arms are free and I begin to claw at him. I realize we're on the ground and he is trapping me in a grip. "No!" I yell, my hands fumbling to hurt him in any way. I can't hear myself, which I find weird. It's like my ears are shut down.

Any movement makes me dizzier, my vision foggy. I can't let Victor win.

"Ivory."

"Get off me," I say, but nothing comes out. My throat and tongue are weights, so dry I cannot make a sound. I push him further but his grip on me only tightens.

Suddenly, I feel my bones tire. Everything hurts. My punches become weaker, hitting the air and falling to my sides. My eyes droop, feeling heavier and heavier. I see blood on my hands. What is happening?

"Ivory! Ivory!" Victor begins to shake me. His voice cracks. "Please, please. I can't lose you. I can't lose you."

I feel myself slipping into a dark space. Closing my eyes and letting myself go feels comforting. There's no need to keep myself up anymore. I want to dream again. I want to dream of a midnight picnic by the lake and of strawberries and kisses.

I want to go.

"Ivory," the voice begs. "Please wake up. I can't lose you."

The voice sounds like Lee's.

I feel my heartbeat slow. I let myself go.

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Hello, writing from Amman, Jordan!

I'll keep this short, I'm sure none of you are too interested in my life. I'm currently twenty years old (fresh new age!) and I am a junior in college. Right now, I am studying abroad on a Human Rights program across NYC, Chile, Nepal, and Jordan. I'm in the last country and I'll be in Istanbul, Turkey before I head home for Christmas. Next semester, I'll be in Spain!   

2019 year has been an electric, unforgettable, and growing year for me. 

I have been facing everything that's ever scared me and challenging myself to be the person I've always wanted, to live the life I've always wanted...and I am! I'm living purposefully and putting intention in all that I love and who I spend my time and energy with. I broke up with someone I love and loved for 2.5 years (this should be great writing content LOL).  I've gone to Miami, Amsterdam, Paris, Barcelona, and now all of these places this year alone. I lived in DC for the summer doing immigration/refugee work, which I loved! A lot of terrible shit has happened too, but it's been unbelievable. For once, I've met people I wholeheartedly love and enjoy and am challenged and empowered by. I've changed so much and learnt a lot. All of it has inspired me to write more as well and I can't wait until I'm still again so I can truly focus on editing this novel and publishing it. Reading this now, I wrote like shit and I was so twelve years old, but now I'm older and I'm ready to revamp this baby! Maybe even a sequel.

THANK YOU for continuously reading this. For constantly emailing me, commenting, DM'ing me, and reminding me THE FUCKTON OF AMAZING SUPPORT AND LOVE a bunch of strangers have for this book, this community, and for me. I love you all and you deserve better than me.

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episode: Started With a Lie (go play!)