Quiet

Chapter Sixty-Six: Bad Parent

We stood at the corner of some street while I just sobbed for what felt like hours. I looked down at Alex's black shirt that was no tear-stained. His phone was going off. I felt guilty I kept pulling him away from his wife or whatever business he was doing. I wanted to cry so desperately some more into his chest. Alex had become my best friend on this tour. Ryleigh was always going to be my best friend but I knew where she stood on this topic.

"It's going to be okay," Alex said ignoring his phone going off.

My sobs went from tears and my wailing to a quieter version of just tears. Alex held me in his arms and just let his phone keep ringing in his pocket. I kept the tears rolling until there wasn't any more to release from my eyes. Alex had pulled me away from his chest a few times to look at me before letting me nuzzle my head back into his chest.

"Do you want me to carry you back? We have to meet the guys. Jack will probably take us back or I can get us an Uber." Alex said and I shook my head.

I wrapped the sleeves of his jacket over my hands giving me sweater paws. Alex's strides though were about twice what mine are. So he went ahead and picked me up carrying my back to the hospital. I knew my eyes were puffy and I didn't really want to talk about it. I just wanted it to be dropped. I didn't want to see Beckett for the remainder of the tour. I didn't care anymore. I never wanted kids but having this feeling in you that you were being given this responsibility, it is like knowing you are capable of love.

The tears, I thought were finished began to flow again as I now hid my face into Alex's back. Alex kept carrying me on his back and let me cling onto him trying to get me to laugh ever so often. I knew that my likely hood of it being viable was slim to none because they said I wasn't making enough of the hormones to sustain whatever life my body was trying to create. It made me feel like a failure no matter what. Jack was in the waiting room with Rian and Zack. They looked at me. Rian had this knowing look on his face and put his arms out to take me. I wrapped my hands tighter around Alex before I finally let go and moved into Rian's.

"Hey, hey, shh, it'll be okay. We'll get through this. We'll help you." He said and pulled me into a chair so I was sitting on his lap

The never-ending tears kept coming as Alex motioned for Jack and Zack to follow him. They walked a few feet away from where I wouldn't be able to hear Alex tell them. Rian kept his arms wrapped around me in a comforting manner.

"You know I'd help you with anything but you got to tell your dad kiddo," Rian said as I had begun to pull my face away from his shoulder.

"Wh-why it's not like I am," I said and Rian looked at me a little confused but like he was trying to understand.

"It's okay I understand it probably still hurts getting your hopes up. I know that lots of people hear it and then think, what if and get excited-"

"Not Beckett," I said and looked him in the eyes.

"Yeah Beckett, would he has Kolbi what makes you think he wouldn't?" Rian said and rubbed my back.

I couldn't get the words out in a clear audible way. I reached for the paper and shitty hospital pen on the cabinet writing it out.

I'd be a bad mom

"No, you wouldn't why would you think that? You help so much with Kolbi and you keep us in line sometimes. Yeah, you're young, but I think you'll make a great mom when the time is right." Rian said and moved so hair out of my face kissing my forehead as I began to hiccup due to crying so much.

Beckett said I would be.

I scratched into the paper before Jack came and took me from Rian. He and Zack held me in a tight embrace between their two warm bodies as I continued to cry. Jack said he'd always be there to support me and Zack was silent. It was a nice silent though. It soon was broken though by my continued hiccuping.

"Come on let's get her back to the hotel. The nurse said she might not feel so well for the first 72 hours." Alex said and Zack nodded holding out keys.

"Can I come?" He asked softly and Jack and Rian nodded.

Rian held a piece of paper and I held onto Zack as we walked toward a car. Their tour manager was so pissed he was fuming. Alex and he got into a bit of a screaming match while Zack took me into Alex's hotel room. Zack threw the keys on the tv stand. I looked at him through puffy eyes.

"You'd make a great mom. I just part of me always imagines you and Ryleigh having kids close together so that way they get to be best friends with each other like you. Also, he is so dead. Logan, you'd make a great mom. Yeah, you may drive us up a wall and shit but you are beautiful inside and out and you're like the tour little sister. You make everyone feel loved and wanted and everyone is just a big weird-ass family." Zack said and he sounded unsure of himself.

I felt unsure of myself until Alex came in. I felt like I was in the right place for the moment. Alex and Zack laid on either side of me as Alex paid for some movies on the tv. We began to watch Frozen. Zack and Alex sang the songs obnoxiously trying to get me to laugh before Zack turned to tickle me which resulted in a laugh. Alex then made bad puns to everything. I couldn't help but feel tired and still sick to my stomach. This was my decision though, I made my bed and I was laying in it folded or not.