I Promise

Chapter 9

The hot water runs over my body, drips down my face, hides the tears. It's been two months. Two months of being pregnant. Two months of trying to hide it as it got more and more obvious. Every day that passes brings me another day closer to what I've begun to accept as my death day. I hate the thought, but it's the only thought I have. It's the only outcome I know. If grown men couldn't survive this, how can I?

There's a knock on the bathroom door. I snap my head up and yell,

"Who's there?"

"Don't worry, Ralph," I hear Jack reply, "It's just me."

I turn off the water but continue to stand in the shower, crying, water slowly dripping down my body onto the shower floor. There's a knock on the door again.

"Ralph, what's wrong?" Jack asks.

"N-nothing!" I try to say it calmly but my voice is shaking and Jack notices this.

"Are you crying?" he asks. I don't try to fake it, answering with a "yes" that's barely coherent amongst the sobs.

"Ralph," Jack says, trying to turn the doorknob on the locked door, "Ralph, unlock the door. Let me in. Please."

"I'm in the shower," I remark.

"So?" Jack replies. "We've seen each other naked plenty of times, it's nothing new. Please let me in."

I slide back the shower curtain and step over the wall of the bathtub. I cross the short distance to the door and unlock it, then sit down with my back against the tub, pulling my knees up to my chest. Jack opens the door slightly, slips inside, then quickly closes the door again and relocks it.

"Tell me what's wrong," he says, sitting down next to me. I don't answer him right away, and turn my head to look at the wall.

"You're not happy," Jack says. "It's been a long time since I've seen you happy. Like, genuinely happy."

"It's hard to be happy when each day you get closer to death," I reply, my voice cracking on the last word. As I let the emotions take over me, Jack takes my hand in his. At first, I try to pull away, but then I realize it's not worth it; he's not going to let go.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry before you believe me," he says.

"I know you're sorry," I reply. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at...just..." I search for something that I'm actually mad at, but all I can get out is, "Everything."

"I understand," Jack says, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. "I wish there was something that I could do to make you happy."

I look at him and his face says it all. There's remorse in his eyes, and I can tell that he's searching for a way to make me happy. He wants to see me smile, to see me laugh. And I wish I could laugh, could feel happy. Hoping that maybe taking my mind off of everything will help me find some happiness, I ask,

"What were your plans for today?"

"You can't keep wearing my clothes," Jack says, not really answering the question.

"Your point?" I ask. Jack smirks.

"I was thinking," he says, "Maybe we could do a little...shopping. You know, get some new clothes."

"From where?" I ask. Jack's smirk widens and I sigh.

"What crazy plan do you have in mind now?" I ask.

"Get dressed and I'll show you," Jack replies. He stands up and unlocks the door, then gives me a wink as he leaves the bathroom, closing the door behind him.